A few recent flowers.

A few recent flowers. Can't believe I missed the white one; it was only open for a few hours. And the last one wasn't able to fully open because of the spines.

Why does he look fake sometimes?

Why does he look fake sometimes? Like there's a puppet just laid out in my floor. 😂😂😂

His lips! 🤣

A little Cub appreciation post. 😊

A little Cub appreciation post. 😊

He's such a good boy. ❤️❤️❤️

I know I have messages and comments to respond to, but...

I know I have messages and comments to respond to, but I've chosen to hermit for a bit in order to lower the demands on myself. Yes, even things that I enjoy (such as engaging with y'all) are demands upon my time.

In another effort to get better rest, we're trying little Adrian out downstairs. She's lived in our bedroom since we moved here (~ 5 years ago); she's a petite little thing and was getting picked on by the other cats before we moved. All of the remaining cats are older and mellow-er now, so I'm hoping she'll do ok.

She's a sweet little love bug. That's great, EXCEPT when she's excited to see me after she's slept all day and it's my bedtime. She chirps and meows and trills all night; she body slams and rolls all over me; and she kneads my neck with her sharp little claws. She's also pretty jumpy, so if she hears or sees anything, she launches off me suddenly and leaves scratches. I could definitely be resting better if she wasn't in the room.

She's not attached to me in particular; she loves everyone, so I don't feel like she will miss sleeping on me. If anything, she'll get more attention by being out and about.

She knows Cub since he sleeps in our room sometimes. She met Bear earlier and didn't care about him at all. It's the other cats that she's unsure of. She's hissy with them, even if they're just minding their own business. 😂

I would love to see her during the day more. She's a funny little girl. She's had a bunch of teeth removed and has the cutest little (unintentional) snarl/cringe face most of the time. 😂😂😂 I love her, but now that Scar is gone she's got some "main character" energy that is just not conducive to my sleep.

Anyway, this is her rolling and chatting on the cat tower earlier.

(Also, I didn't realize it was so messy. I'm not tall enough to see up there on those platforms; this was recorded by Shaun's tall-ass point of view. 😂)

UI/UX graduation was today.

UI/UX graduation was today. Our presentation went well.

If anyone is interested, here is the app prototype we made. You can click through; even the sign up has dummy info ready to go.

It's crazy how my teacher is neurodivergent and I got my Autism diagnosis during this project; I strongly feel that both things contributed majorly to making this into something special. My teacher had to reframe things for me so many times so I could grasp what I was supposed to be doing. Both she and my partner were so flexible with me.

Now I'm gonna go have a let-down migraine, because of course I am. 🫠 

But let me know what y'all think!

Link to Figma

Some recent flowers.

Some recent flowers.

It was a really nice experience having the doves hatch in the greenhouse, but I'm glad to have it back to myself.

I have a lot of bird poops to clean up.

I'm definitely not ok.

I'm definitely not ok.

I've been reading about how to come back from Autistic Burnout, and aside from sleeping/resting and not "shoulding" myself, I discovered that I haven't been doing enough.  It is no wonder that my recovery isn't going well.

I haven't reduced demands upon my time much.  I haven't stopped masking as much as I could.  I'm about to address both of those things right now.

Saturday is my last UI/UX class.  In retrospect, I should have quit the class when I found out that I was in burnout; I did try, but the teacher was too nice and flexible and while it did get more interesting, it has definitely been too large of a drain on my energy.  I will not be taking anymore classes for the foreseeable future.  I also plan to take at least a month's hiatus from any in-person hangouts.  It is time to focus on myself and start deep healing.

Regarding masking:

I feel like I'm more myself on the Internet than I am in person (save for a very few people that I am close to); however, I still fawn for y'all.  I tend to not post anything controversial.  I did write the AI post recently, but in general I tend to steer clear of writing anything that will make people uncomfortable or unhappy with me.

I'm going to introduce myself to y'all now.  If you don't like me, that's ok.  Handle it however you deem necessary; but just know that I will not argue with you about who I am.  Accept me or don't; those are your options.

My name is Blu.  I have Autism.  I loathe small talk.  I am an Agnostic Atheist.  I believe in Science.  I am a Feminist.  Your body, your choice - regarding pregnancy, drugs, alcohol, sex, anything - as long as you are not causing harm to anyone else.  Black Lives Matter.  No one is illegal on stolen land built by stolen hands.  Trans men are men and trans women are women.  Love is Love.  Access to food, water, shelter, and medical care are basic human rights.  There are no ethical billionaires.

I believe in direct communication.  I will no longer put in the work to read between your lines.  If you are unable to articulate a thought or direction clearly, that is a you problem, not a me problem.  Do better.  The exception to this is a work/school environment; I will always try to make sure that I understand the assignment before completing it.

Regarding communication, it is not rude to be direct and clear.  It saves confusion and misunderstanding, and it is effective.  This is a neurotypical problem, not a neurodivergent problem.  This is a case in which NTs should adjust for NDs.  Work on your communication skills.  Communicate accessibly.  You are not a parking spot and have no obligation to be accessible, but it would be nice if you cared to try.

I don't say any of this to scare people away.  I don't want my timeline to become an echo chamber.  I know that I have many friends who will not agree with me on everything I've written.  That's fine.  Just know that I've loved and accepted you regardless of our differences.  If you can't do the same for me, then it's time we part ways.

If you feel the need to debate me about anything I've written in this post, be aware that I am not going to engage.  I will simply delete the friendship.  I am introducing my whole self in an attempt to heal.  I don't have the energy to defend myself for being who I am, and anyone who feels that I should spend the precious little energy I have left engaging them rather than doing self care is not anyone who has my best interests at heart.

Love me or leave me.

You better gangway.

You better hit bull's eye;

the kid don't play.

💙💙💙