Late-night rambles:

Late-night rambles:

I did some self-care today in the form of doing my nails (just plain, but they were popping and peeling off, so this is better), and taking a shower. I'd been a stinky, greasy mess for at least a week. My nails hadn't been done since before I went to Houston. It was just time.

I think the only reason I felt ok to take care of myself is because my app is almost done. Yes, it's been the focus for the past few weeks. Yes, my schedule is messed up. But I'm not burned out. I've been sleeping, just at not the regular times.

My plan is to have it on the app stores on their beta tracks next week. I've been fixing and adjusting small things here and there. I am basically to the "paperwork" stage. I need screenshots of certain sizes for Apple. I'm gonna hit up some friends because my test phone is too small.

I've been talking to users through the app, which just blows my mind. I've built a thing, and it works... Well, at least part of it! 😅 I'm so freaking excited!

Now that the app stuff is not taking up all of my brain and my nails are protected, I can put away the laundry I piled up in the closet, as well as pot up the plants I've left neglected in the sunroom for the last 2 months. I might even clean my desk. 😂 I don't know what all I'm gonna do, but I feel a lot better. I guess I just needed to get all of my ideas out of me. If nothing else, it felt both like a dream, but also good for my career. It'll be nice to have a thing completed for my resume.

I've been kind of a mess, but I'm hanging in here. I'm slowly but surely starting to feel better and get things done.

I think that soon I will be able to handle people again. I really miss a lot of people that I've been pretty absent with for the last few months, but I just needed to recalibrate and I think most everyone understands.

Anyway, I'm about to change my sheets and get in this fresh bed. Hopefully, I will sleep through the night instead of waking up at crazy hours. We'll see.

I love you and I miss you. 💙

Our favorite holidays:

Our favorite holidays:  The twice-yearly, in-home terrorizations. 🙄

He's serving face today. 😂

He's serving face today. 😂

I so love this baby goblin. 💕

Look at this dog. 😂😂😂

Look at this dog. 😂😂😂

Pardon the chewed and clawed chair. We've given up on having anything nice with so many fur-kids in the house.

Bear had a dream...

Bear had a dream and barked himself awake, so now we're outside while he patrols and walks it off.

It's nice out, and I snagged this picture of the moon behind a blooming Yucca.

I'm really tired and headache-y, but I feel gratitude in this moment.

So, I hate this.

So, I hate this.

I hate being the one working part-time and being responsible for the house.

As soon as we're back on our feet, I'mma need my trophy husband to take a demotion and work part time and let me do the hustling.

I literally can't think straight about anything with all of the house stuff in my periphery.

I was supposed to sign up for a certification by yesterday, and it slipped my mind. It was IMPORTANT. Thankfully, the deadline was extended and I'll be ok, but it's not ok that I forgot.

I'm overwhelmed. I'm the more driven one. My focus is needed on my career. Shaun can work part-time just to give me some alone time in the house.

I don't think this current setup is gonna help with my burnout recovery at all. This last week and a half has been rough.

(I know we're privileged that we can get by on one income, but I did fight my way into tech for that reason. We'll be able to pay bills, but not save. We still have to figure that out unless I want to work until I die. Fun.)

Speaking of Shaun going to work...

Speaking of Shaun going to work...

I accidentally pulled an all-nighter again.  Not last night, but the night before.

I was working on my app and pretty into it, and before I knew it, it was midnight.  And I was tired and wanted to go to bed, but Shaun and Cubba were sleeping upstairs and he has to get up at 5 for work, which I knew would wake me up, so I was like "Should I even bother?"  And it turns out that no, I didn't bother.  I just continued my work and made a lot of good progress.

And you know what?  I have missed being able to just "get in the zone" and do work.  I don't like trying to manage myself and do things in moderation.  It's not fun or rewarding and it's not like I can just turn "the zone" on and off.

No, I shouldn't have not slept.  Obviously.  I was tired and could have, but it felt pointless in that moment.  I don't plan to do that again.  But like, why is it so wrong to exist the way I do?  Just because I am expected by society to hold down a 9-5?  It's so dumb.  I am a really productive person when left to my own devices.  I like to get shit done.  I get not going hard to the point of burning out, but like, can't I just go moderately hard?  Baby hard?  Any kind of hard at all?

Just screaming into the void, I guess.

Carry on.