Today was mostly really not good.

Today was mostly really not good.  I don't know why, but I had a killer headache.  I woke up that way.  I almost skipped class, but I didn't.  Much to my own amazement I stayed for the whole 2 hours - plus the extra time it ran over.  When I got home three Ibuprofen with a nap still wasn't enough to make me feel better.  I woke up around 2 or 3 and ended up calling Shaun, almost in tears, and asked him to take me to eat.  I took more Ibuprofen with food and then started to feel almost normal again.

What super sucked was the fact that I'd planned to spend most of my day studying for my Algebra test that is at 8 am and finishing up the homework that goes with it.  By the time I felt like I could think and got everyone fed it was pretty much 5.  🙁  So, I've been doing Algebra since then - basically non-stop.  My left arm, hand, and fingers are killing me, but I feel pretty much ok with what I should know, so it's worth it.  Especially if I make an A.

I'm turning in now.  I can get a good 6-ish hours of sleep, which should be ok since I slept so much today.  I want to wake up a little early to let my brain fog drift away before class begins.  And maybe to look over my formulas again just to make sure I've got them remembered correctly.

Anyway.  After the test tomorrow I might actually be able to feel like I'm on vacation for a few days.  I am REALLY looking forward to that!  😃  Wish me luck in the morning!  ❤

First day of vacation is not so relaxing.

First day of vacation is not so relaxing.

Went to class.

Came home.

Cleaned some.

Went to Dr. Berry's in Piedmont for doggie meds.

Came home so Shadow could shower.

Shaun's taking him to the dentist because I can't do everything.

Now I'm heading to work for a few hours.

😳

When I get home I have to read poetry for English class and also study for my Algebra test. Not to mention all of the housework that is waiting for me.  The housework isn't pressing, but I can't really relax with chaos all around so it needs to be done.

P. S.  My dishwasher is broken.  I have no money, but this is a thing that I am not willing to live without right now.  😕

Got up to feed my little horned lizards and...

Got up to feed my little horned lizards and for about the 3rd day in a row I couldn't see Peach.  To get out of finishing my paper (I guess), I took everything out of the tank and dug her up.  She was just sleeping.  But you know.  I was worried.  Now she's up eating with Koopa.  🙂

I lack about 2 more sentences and some proofreading before I'm done with my paper.  It's not gonna be one of my best.  🙁  I just feel like crap and it's hard to keep a train of thought alive.  As much as I want to make A's in both of my classes this semester I'm starting to slowly realize that there might not be any way for me to manage that.  I hate to admit that not even writing this one crossed my mind.  Can we say "burning out"?  🙁  I am hoping that this week off work will level my determination back up.

I have a headache.

I have a headache.  I've read enough stuff to write a paper, but I just don't want to.  I feel like I need to go back to sleep.

My mouth tastes horrible and so does everything I eat and drink.  I think it's the antibiotics.  Which, speaking of - I need to take again.  With food - so I don't barf.  With food - that I won't enjoy eating.

Blegh.  I think I'm gonna get up, go outside, maybe grab some fast food, take my antibiotics (and some Ibuprofen; is that ok at the same time?), and then try this again.  I'm getting nowhere right now.  🙁

Everyone is fed. Soaking a lizard.

Everyone is fed.  Soaking a lizard.  About to start my paper for English.

My day has begun.

Apparently, I missed all the rainbows on Facebook yesterday.

Apparently, I missed all the rainbows on Facebook yesterday.  I was sitting in Dr. Edmond's office when Obama was telling the news.  I heard it and I was happy, but then I went to work for a million hours and then came home to a broken internet.  This photo is an accurate depiction of how I feel this morning.  And I just gotta say - it's awesome.  😃

Yay, Internet!

Yay, Internet!  Thank you, Jonathon and Leslie, for giving me your old CableOne modem.  I have internet on my computer now.  I just don't know how to set up all the router / wifi stuff.  I'mma let Shaun figure that one out.  🙂

Ok, Internet; behave.

Ok, Internet; behave. My modem is fried and Cable One said that Tuesday was a good estimation of when they could register a new one to their system, even I had one right now to register... Which I don't. 

I don't want to use all of the data on my phone and it's annoying as crap trying to do everything from here, so I probably won't be around much the next few days. I have homework, anyway, so it's just as well that I don't have the Internet to distract me. Though I need it to write my English paper, but I'll probably just go to Shaun's house for that. 

Love you. Miss you. Bye! 😛

Dr. Edmond said that my lungs sound ok.

Dr. Edmond said that my lungs sound ok. He said it looks like walking pneumonia and prescribed a z pack. I would normally try to avoid antibiotics, but since methotrexate messes with the immune system I will take the help this time. 

I wonder if this is why I've been so tired lately...

So exhausted today.

So exhausted today. I've been a grump since this afternoon. I just need to hang in there one more day, then I'm off work for a couple of weeks. I will still have classes and homework, but it will nice to not have to go to work on top of that. I have so much to catch up on around the house and my body needs to rest and recuperate. I've been achy the last few days, but not cripplingly so. My psoriasis is making an appearance, though. 😕

I see Dr. Edmond tomorrow to get my blood tested to make sure the methotrexate isn't jacking up my liver. I'm also going to complain to him about my cough.

In other news I found out this week that I still suck at being a girl. I was wearing leggings and decided to go Wal-Mart. I put blue shorts on over the leggings to hide my ass. I felt more covered, but Shaun kept laughing at me. Turns out that made me look like one of those baboons with the big blue butts. It wasn't not drawing attention to my booty. I didn't understand until he took a photo of me from behind and showed me. Just wow. 😳 I need someone to come and dress me. I am not grown-up enough to handle this. LOL

Related, I'm going Saturday to get my hair cut again. The girl didn't cut it as short as I wanted and I thought I could deal with it, but I'm really not happy. I need wayyy less hair. I can't even deal with this. I feel like it's suffocating me. 🙁

Anyway. Blah blah blah. Goodnight. ❤

Got this announcement via email today...

Got this announcement via email today.  All of you ladies who were interested in trying a diaphragm - it might be a little easier to do now!  😃

Woohoo!

Press release:

Single-size Caya® contoured diaphragm is the first new diaphragm design to enter the US market in over 50 years

I am like, a billion excited about this.

I am like, a billion excited about this.  Maybe I won't have to leave the state to find an awesome computer science job!  😳  Has anyone ever checked out Google's benefits?  They are AMAZING.

Google building $600 million data center in Alabama

Finished my Algebra, and now I'm tort-walking.

Finished my Algebra, and now I'm tort-walking. Nom is eating the world, of course, and Tort Baby is walking, walking, walking. He must be feeling adventurous today! 🙂

I am starting to let notifications pile up again, but...

Geez.  I am starting to let notifications pile up again, but I've been busy doing homework.  I have felt ok enough to get things done (yay!), so I've been trying to stay on top of things.  So I'm just popping in with an update.  🙂

It took two calls today to get someone from Dr. Crawford's office to respond to me, but they did finally call me back.  I was starting to get upset, so I'm glad they called.

Dr. Crawford wants to keep me on methotrexate.  Pills, I guess, since they are working.  She doesn't seem to think my cough is due to methotrexate.  I don't know how she can determine that without seeing me or asking me any questions, but I'll give it some time.  If it gets worse I will call and bother them again.

She also wants me to take triple the amount of folic acid every day.  It helps with nausea and keeps my hair from falling out and she said that a higher dose will help with the ulcers I'm getting in my mouth now.  So.  I guess that's a plan.

Sarcastic yay for side effects.  😕  But sincere yay for being able to walk.  🙂  And SUPER SINCERE HAPPY YAY for not being in constant bad pain.  😃  I have a dull ache in my hips sometimes, but nothing I can't overlook - especially after experiencing just how bad it can get.  Woo for being functional!  😃

I hate that every time I think I know what I am going to do...

I hate that every time I think I know what I am going to do something comes up to make me think that maybe I'm making the wrong decision.

So, this weekend I have been MOSTLY pain-free.  It's been really nice.  Since I failed hard at giving myself the methotrexate injection and I've been taking the doubled-dose of pills for a few weeks now I can only assume that I feel ok because of the pills.  The pills that my doctor says are ineffective and wants to take me off of.  🙁

I skipped my dose on Friday with full intentions of getting on a different medication this week, but I'm wondering if that was a bad idea now.  I still have a cough and the water-lung feeling that might cause my doctor to take me off methotrexate regardless, and now I am also getting another known side effect of methotrexate, too.  Mouth ulcers.  Ouch.  🙁

I guess I just have to call the doctor tomorrow and tell them that I feel ok, but I'm having these side effects and let them decide if I should stay the course or switch.  Either way, I think it's pretty clear that I am affected by the pills so an injection is not necessary at this time.

P. S.  I know that I was a huge weenie over that shot, but I think a weekly shot is gonna be the straw that breaks this camel's back.  I've got a lot on me already without this health crap.  I've had a hard enough time accepting that pills are going to be a part of my life now, and I'm just not ready to accept shots all the time.  It's a little bit too far for me right now.  I'm not ready and it's fine.  There are other options out there, so I'm not gonna freak out over that right now.  I will freak out over it when I have no other options.  LOL

Jeggings acquired.

Jeggings acquired.  They are comfy and feel more like pants than just leggings, for sure, but I feel like I'm showing off my ass.  Since I tend to be more modest and not a super fan of people looking at my body, that feels weird.  I feel like I need an ass jacket.  LOL  Quick!  Someone invent that for me.

I also got my hair cut today.  It was pretty much down to my waist.  I don't think it's been that long since I was knocked up with Shadow.  In any case it was only that long because I was too broke / busy / tired / uninspired / whatever to have it cut sooner.  I'd say I would post a photo, but it's not likely to happen.  So, sorry, internet.  Find me IRL.  (But not really.)

I hit a point recently where between the pain of PSA and being too busy for nail art AND my hair getting out of control I wasn't feeling like myself at all.  I needed a change - desperately.  Here is a video of the cut my hair is based off of.  It's a bit longer than I wanted still, but I can pull it up into the cutest pigtails or mini-buns, and so that's ok.  It'll work for summer.  But I gotta say... when she had those clippers going, it was all I could do to not tell her to just keep going.  Bald is my happy place.

I am wearing leggings.

I am wearing leggings.  I think this is the first time in my life I've done that.

They are pretty comfy, but I feel naked.  I don't think I could leave the house this way.

I don't know if it was from the stress of last night or what...

I don't know if it was from the stress of last night or what, but I woke up today feeling like complete and utter crap.  Like, bad.  My head hurt, I was nauseated, and my lungs felt (and still feel) like they are full of water.  I'm coughing (have been for a couple of weeks, but not bad) and it's just not great.  Boo.

So I thought the cough might be from pollen or whatever and I never really thought much about it until my lungs started feeling weird, but methotrexate can jack up your lungs.  That was listed as one of those "If this happens to you - stop the medication" kind of side effects.  I haven't spoken with my doctor today, but I think I'm skipping my meth pills tonight.  I have zero intentions of trying the shot again and they don't think the pills are effective, anyway, so I think I'm just done with that medication.

The rheumy's nurse offered to prescribe Otezla for me last week and I dismissed it because my insurance basically said that they would fight it.  But, I have changed my mind and I'm gonna go for it.  I called the Otezla people today and I did qualify for their assistance with paying for the prescription so I just need to call Dr. Crawford's office on Monday and tell them I'm ready.  I think they'll give me a sample pack or two to get started with and hopefully they are aware of the battle that lies ahead.  The Otezla company also said that they could help me get approved.  I hope they are right.

So... that is my current plan.  I wish I could settle on something and stick with it, but dang.  I feel like nothing is working out lately.  I hate it when things go like that.  😕

Enjoy this very attractive photo...

Enjoy this very attractive photo of my pasty, jiggly, bruised white thigh. This is the aftermath of my attempt to inject myself with methotrexate. Never again. That's a big, fat "Nope."

So... 45 minutes of Shaun listening to me...

So... 45 minutes of Shaun listening to me curse and whine, building me up, bribing me, drawing a circle on my leg so I would know where to aim, videoing all of my bullshit so I wouldn't be a weenie (which did not work)... and I failed.

I psyched myself up, pressed down, pushed the button, and... it made a noise, I jumped, and medicine went everywhere.  NOWHERE in that stupid video was there a noise.  It looked like it would go slowly and quietly into me, squirt out the medicine, and that's it.  That is not what happened.

It did break skin.  I have no idea how much, if any, of the medicine made it inside me.  Now my freaking leg hurts - and probably for no reason.  Screw this shit.  I am pissed and tired and have zero intentions of doing that again.

Shaun says he's proud because I did it.  He's still getting me nail polish.  He wants me to try again with another one, but at this moment I don't think that will happen.  Maybe I will hate everything less in the morning, but I doubt it.  🙁

Later, friends.  I'm gonna go and be angry until I fall asleep.  ❤

I am going to THROW UP.

I am going to THROW UP.

Shaun is bribing me to stab myself with Waffle House and Nail Polish.  And it's kind of working.  But I am still scared.  😳

I'm just gonna sit here...

I'm just gonna sit here, pantsless, in case I grow some balls suddenly.

I am frustrated and annoyed today. 🙁

I am frustrated and annoyed today.  🙁

I called Dr. Crawford's office since I hadn't heard back about medicine.  The lady I talked to (who I'm assuming was a nurse) asked me why I wouldn't take the Prednisone so I told her it made me sleepless and crazy.  She said, "How about half the dose?"  I told her I'd taken that for days until my pain returned and I was still unable to sleep.  So then she said "How about half a pill?"  I was just like, "If a whole pill didn't help, then why would I do that?"  So then she said "Ok" and we moved on.

She asked me about taking the methotrexate injection - which I haven't done.  I've been taking my pills because that's easier for me to manage.  I told her that I could not afford to buy the injections so she put me on hold and then came back and said that she could switch me to something else.  She told me to look up Otezla and let her know if I wanted to try that.

I called my insurance company and they said that their system for looking up what my copay would be is down, but that it was hard to get approved for that drug.  They want to know from the doctor WHY I need it and then they have to approve it before I can get it filled.

So my guess is that it would also be a $40 copay - like the methotrexate injection.  If it is then I also cannot afford it, either.  I called the nurse back and told her that and she said that there was a card or something that would knock $25 off, but that would still be $15 / week, which is $60 - $75 / month, unless I'm just misunderstanding something entirely.

So... I can't afford $60 - $75 a month for this shit.  I fail to understand why I can't just keep taking my methotrexate pills.  Yes, they may be a little less effective, but I'm a poor person and that's what I get, right?  I get what I can pay for.  I take what I can get.  That is the way the world works, right?  I'm used it and it's fin so I just don't understand.

I do not know what I am supposed to do, but I am frustrated - trying hard not to feel angry right now.  I am gonna go take a shower.  Somebody, tell me what the hell to do while I'm gone.  Please and THANK YOU.

Algebra class was this morning.

Algebra class was this morning.  Apparently a B was NOT bad.  Sounds like a lot of people did worse.  😕  I guess me and Hali are representing for Munford!  😃

The teacher said she thought this was one of the harder tests of the semester so that's a relief.  Maybe I will end with an A after all.  🙂

Back when I was diagnosed with PSA...

Back when I was diagnosed with PSA I joined Inspire, a health and wellness support group.  I guess they have groups for every kind of illness.  I don't really know.  But if you're not ok, maybe you should go there and check it out.

I posted there recently because I just feel super not ok.  Apparently, I'm in "the Gap" - that horrible place when you're in pain and your medicine hasn't kicked in yet.  Don't get me wrong - I'm not glad that others are feeling this way, but it's kind of a relief to be able to talk with some people who have the same condition and are living proof that it can (and does) get better.

One of the ladies who has PSA and was also a nurse said that when I talk to my doctor tomorrow I should ask for her to prescribe an NSAID for me to take with my methotrexate.  I think I will.  Also, I found (many hours after the fact) that I missed a call from Dr. Crawford's office so I will call them back right after class tomorrow.  Maybe they don't have bad news for me.

This probably sounds totally weird, but you know how if you have sensitive teeth and you drink something cold - that pain it causes in your teeth?  If Shaun even so much as rests his hand on my thigh I feel that same kind of pain in my knees.  Like my knees have sensitive teeth and his hand is ice water.  I don't know what that means and I'm just too tired to Google it this evening.  It's probably nothing good, though.  😕

After today I am starting to worry that my right knee has become damaged from the inflammation.  I'm having trouble navigating stairs now.  This morning I actually started to consider the possibility that I might need a cane if things don't improve soon.  I guess that's ok.  At least I would have something on hand with which to beat people who invade my space.  😂😂😂

Or it could just be that I'm rebounding because I took steroids.  I have no way to know.

Anyway.  I'm heading to bed.  I feel exhausted.

P. S.  I'm sorry that I'm so whiny and negative.  I just feel pretty devastated right now.  Unfollow me for a while if you need to.  I'm having a hard time thinking about anything other than ways to get through this.  ❤

Been watching Star Trek Voyager...

Been watching Star Trek Voyager and just sat down to start on the new OITNB.  Red sounded really familiar.  Captain Janeway!  WHATTT!?  My mind is blown.  😳

This place is SO pretty. Having a milk tea. Yum!

This place is SO pretty. Having a milk tea. Yum!

So last night after I posted...

So last night after I posted that the Prednisone wasn't keeping me awake... yeah.  I couldn't fall asleep for hours.  🙁  Maybe it was just the methotrexate dose on Friday that helped me sleep earlier this weekend.  Now I am sad.

I have usually taken my Prednisone by much earlier in the day, but I haven't eaten anything yet today so I haven't taken it.  I am uncomfortable and can already feel the heat in my knees and hips.  I'll be hurting pretty good by tomorrow if I don't take it.

If you had to choose pain or no sleep what would you choose?

I am at a loss.  Life feels like a roller coaster at the moment and not in a fun way.

I didn't hear from Dr. Crawford, though they told me on Friday that they would call today.  Maybe I'll go see Dr. Edmond again one day this week.

I made an 83.

I made an 83.  I am actually NOT happy about that at all.  That was WITH my bonus included.

And I thought I had a clue.

Just got home from taking my Algebra test...

Just got home from taking my Algebra test.  I'll be HAPPY if I make a B.  😕  I'll be surprised if I make an A.  🙁

Now, I wait...

So, I finished my English paper earlier today.

Ok.  So, I finished my English paper earlier today.  I also went over my test review for Algebra - TWICE.  I feel only OK about it - not great, but maybe looking at fresh problems in the morning will help.  I did NOT complete my last chapter of Algebra homework - the problems were long (taking up half a page in some cases) so I decided it was not worth the stress of pressing myself to finish.  IF she even takes up that chapter it will be for bonus points, so I'm not freaking out.

My test is first thing (at 8 in the morning) so hopefully my brain will be awake enough to do well.  I might get up a little early just to make sure I am functional.

Other than that I am dealing with the half-dose of Prednisone quite well.  I have not been sick, crazy, or sleepless since I cut my dose in half.  I mostly don't hurt - I can even sit "Criss-Cross" comfortably for a few minutes!  And cross my legs and bend my knees!  I do get uncomfortable if I stay in one position for too long or stand for too long, but this is major improvement.  I honestly can't even remember the last time I felt this ok.  It feels weird to not hate walking and sitting and just doing things that I have to do on a daily basis.  I still haven't quite accepted it - it's like I'm just waiting for the pain and discomfort to come back, but maybe I can settle down and stop thinking about it soon.  Maybe feeling ok will become my new normal.  🙂

Anyway.  I have to go and rest my brain and get some sleep.  Wish me luck on the test tomorrow.  As usual - I'm shooting for an A!  🙂  Goodnight, FB land.  ❤

This is my dusty bookshelf of strange things I like.

This is my dusty bookshelf of strange things I like. Don't judge me. Just be impressed that my Bruce Love climbed up there by himself - with no legs! I left the door handle in the photo to give a reference for how up high he is.

It's probably about time I end his adventure. He is WAYYY more clumsy than he looks. 😂😂😂 I don't want him to get hurt. ❤

I have been doing Algebra homework since about 1 today.

I have been doing Algebra homework since about 1 today.  I took maybe a 15 minute break with the torts earlier, then I jumped right back in.  Despite that I am only about half-way done with the last chapter.  And I still have the test review to go.  And a paper to write for English.  All of which need to be complete by tomorrow evening.  😳

Since my hand is hurting from writing all day I decided to take a break, then try to work on my English paper since I get to type it.  It's a different kind of hand movement and I seem to be ok with that right now.

If my brain is not too fried after that I will try some more Algebra.  I've decided to work on my test review instead of homework.  I feel like I've got the hang of the last chapter, which is the main point of homework.  The teacher is going to take up one of the chapter's sections worth of homework for bonus points, but I feel like it's smarter to work on getting a good test grade than to chase bonus points so that's what I'm going to do.  I did complete all the homework for the first 5 sections so it's not as though I'm slacking by any means.  If I'm lucky she'll pick one of the sections I finished to take up.  🙂

All in all, today has been ok - no meltdowns, no major pains - just too busy to enjoy the weekend.

P. S.  Since I was too scared to quit the Prednisone cold-turkey I cut my dosage in half.  I think that is tolerable for me.  I was able to sleep last night and I feel ok - both physically and emotionally.  I also took my 4 methotrexate pills last night so I'm trying to do the right things.  I hope that Dr. Crawford is ok with that.  I've never straight up disobeyed doctor's orders before!

Well, I'm off to do some English now.  Woo!  Wish me luck!

Taking a much - needed tortoise break. 🙂

Been doing homework for hours. Taking a much - needed tortoise break. 🙂

I just woke up.

I just woke up.  APPARENTLY, I slept all day.  After not sleeping for some days, I guess I needed that.

I feel mostly normal except that my heart is racing sometimes and my head is swimmy.  I feel slightly jittery and like I'm having a hard time controlling what my eyeballs do.

Other than that weirdness I guess I'm ok.  I'm not sure how effective I can be at doing anything (like homework) at the moment, but maybe I'll give it a shot.

So... last night was really bad.

So... last night was really bad.  Like, REALLY, REALLY bad.  I apparently had some sort of emotional breakdown.  I ugly cried uncontrollably for hours.  I did not sleep, again.  I was (and still am) very nauseated.  I have felt off-balance before, but last night I felt wildly unstable and it was scary.  I was straight up hysterical.  I think the stress / PMS / Prednisone combo kicked my ass and won.

I called Dr. Crawford this morning (who was not in), but her nurse said that I could stop my low dose of Prednisone cold-turkey.  As affected as I am by it I'm not sure if that's really for the best, but I am happy to not take it.  Unfortunately, my hips and knees hurt less than they have in a great long while, but I can deal with physical pain much easier than all of this not sleeping / feeling crazy business.

When I spoke to Dr. Crawford's nurse I also told them I was not going to take the methotrexate shot - and I'm not.  It's the same dosage that Dr. Edmond bumped me up to right before I saw Dr. Crawford - with one big difference:  The shot is taken all at once and that much methotrexate will wipe me out for the whole weekend.  Dr. Edmond had me taking half doses, twice a week with the pills.  It hadn't even had time to kick in so no one knows that it wouldn't have worked.

His plan fits better with my life right now so I called Dr. Edmond and they are calling in more methotrexate pills and folic acid for me.

I just can't afford to be out of commission for a whole weekend.  I have SO MUCH TO DO and I'm going to do it.  So.  I finally saw a specialist and now I'm not cooperating with her at all.  And that makes me feel like shit, but the plan she laid out is not working for my life right now.

To everyone who helped talk me down last night:  You are greatly appreciated.  Like - when I finish my schooling and become a millionaire - I won't forget you.  ❤

I thought it was bed time, but it's apparently "ugly cry" time.

Fuck.  I thought it was bed time, but it's apparently "ugly cry" time.  I am SO not ok right now.

I feel like I have no control over my life.  Doctors tell me what to do, school tells me what to do, work tells me what to do.  Shaun lets me pick where we eat at lunch.  That's all I got.

I don't know what's up - maybe it's the Prednisone mixed with PMS hormones, but I cannot stop crying.  Or maybe it's the stress of having more work and homework than I can feasibly do.  Or maybe it's the stress of having to work a certain number of hours to keep my food stamps, or either choose to put enough time into school to keep my GPA so I can afford to transfer to JSU and not have the whole rest of my life suck.  Or maybe it's the pain that I know I'll be in if I quit all of my medicine right now - which sounds like a damn good idea to me because FUCK THIS.  FUCK ALL OF THIS.  I didn't want Prednisone and I don't want the shot.  I am officially making making a choice.  One stupid, simple thing.  Just give me the goddamn methotrexate pills or I will go without.

It's so fucking late, but I can't sleep.  I'm going to curl up on the couch with some Algebra and see if I can distract my brain from hating everything ever right now.  Maybe if my brain is occupied my eyes will stop leaking. I really hope so.  Otherwise, my homework will get wet.  🙁

Today, I am much less hurt-y and hate-y...

Today, I am much less hurt-y and hate-y than I was earlier this week.  I have, however, been one hell of a grump.  I did not sleep well last night.  I think it may be due to the Prednisone because sleeping is THE ONE THING I'm usually good at doing.

So... tomorrow is the big day, y'all.  The day that I am supposed to stab myself with medicine.  I am already dreading it, like a big squeamish baby.  I swear I was not always this way.  😂😂😂

Anyone else out there ever have to do that?  Any tips?  I'm supposed to stab myself somewhere fat, like my belly or thigh.  Thinking of stabbing my belly makes me want to flop out of my chair and smash my face into the floor to get the thought out of my head - so thigh it is!

I seriously hope that I don't chicken out.  If I do Shaun will do it and he seems just a BIT TOO EXCITED at the thought of stabbing me.  So, I'd really rather do it myself.  It would be good if I could anyway - since I'm always with me and he's not.

HALP!  PLEASE!

Getting ready for work.

Getting ready for work.  Today is not as bad as yesterday.  Physically, anyway.  Emotionally, well - that's another story.  Some jackass in my Happy Tails Pet Recovery of Calhoun County group had me livid and in tears at 7:30 this morning.  I hope Keith Timmons feels great about that.  As if it's not bad enough that I was cussed up one side and down the other as well as insulted (on my page AND via PM) by another person in the group last night.  Oh, and now Keith is sending me messages, too.  People just can't get enough.

The rules there are simple:  Post lost and founds only - for the sole purpose of reuniting pets with their owners.  I don't know why some people can't understand that.  It's not complicated.

Anyway.  I was blamed for more people not helping animals because I am "extreme."  No.  The reason that more people don't help is because people are ignorant and lazy and irresponsible and they don't feel any obligation whatsoever to make even a small change in the way they do things for the greater good.

So there's that, but then also the fact that rescue people BURN OUT. That can be attributed to usually one or two things:  1)  It is psychologically damaging to a person for them to witness pain and suffering on a continuous basis.  It's called secondary-traumatic stress disorder and it's a real thing.  It causes depression and suicide.

So not only is there THAT, but there is a big # 2), which is:  There are the people who make life hard for rescue people.  Such as harassing and cursing them when they do something that the person doesn't like.  Rescue people who have been doing this for a while have rules in place for a reason and do things the way they do FOR A REASON.  I'm terribly sorry if rescue is not your thing and you don't understand, but I literally don't have time to explain myself repeatedly.  If you have a question - ask it - and I'm more than happy to answer... but arguing with me because you don't like how I do things and insulting me gets you nowhere.

So NO - I am not the reason that anyone chooses not to rescue or help animals and anyone who thinks that is a dumbass.  People who truly want to help WILL FIND A WAY.

Yay Ibuprofen!

Yay Ibuprofen!  Looks like I'll get a whopping 5 hours of sleep tonight.  That'll be better than last night.  I'll take it.

My knees are being stubborn, but the lower back is cooperating.  At least I'll be able to make myself somewhat comfortable.

Goodnight, FB.  FINALLY.

Today was kind of bad.

Today was kind of bad.  I feel so whiny and I apologize for that, but dang.

Sitting in class for 2 hours in a hard chair where my feet dangle is bad.  It hurts my knees and lower back.  I might seriously have to start carrying around a box or something to put my feet on.

Between that, lower back PMS pain, and my hips and knees not feeling any better yet (come on, Prednisone!), I was in tears by the time I got back home.  I took some Ibuprofen and fell asleep on the couch with Shadow.  I got to work around 4 (YIKES!), but it could not be helped today.

Dang ol' life is kicking my ass.  I feel like every day is a struggle lately and I'm honestly kind of afraid to hear how my x-rays turned out.

Well, who has time to mope when you have hours of homework to do?  Not this girl.  No long-moping for me.  Later, friends.  ❤

Ok. I've been home from the doctor for a while.

Ok.  I've been home from the doctor for a while.  Wasting time that I desperately did not need to waste.  But I feel tired, so.

Anyway.  Saw Dr. Crawford.  I got there 30 minutes late (I called before getting there in case she UNDERSTANDABLY did not want to see me).  I got lost in doing homework and had no clue what time it was.  Thankfully she said to come anyway.

She asked a lot of questions, felt my joints, and sent me for x-rays.  She's putting me on the injectable form of methotrexate... meaning that I'm going to have to give myself a weekly shot.  I feel faint just thinking about it, but I'll survive.  I'm also now on Prednisone for a few months to get my symptoms in check.  And of course folic acid to keep all of this shit from making my hair fall out.  Woo.

So... I start my shot on Friday.  And speaking of shots:  I'm supposed to give Nappy her arthritis shot today.  I feel all jeebly just thinking about it.  Blegh.  I'm not a fan of stabbing us.  😂

Anyway.  Homework calls.  Later, FB.

Jeebus.

Jeebus.  I have 85 notifications, but I don't have time to check them.  Hit the ground running today.  Everyone's fed and now I have to do some errands so I can come home and do more homework.  Finished up a section yesterday, but still have 3 to go.  😳

I got a new pencil at Wal-Mart last night.  It's gray - one of my favorite colors.  Could have only been better if it had been brown.  Fat chance I'll ever see one like that, but it's ok.  It writes really nice and it doesn't hurt my finger.  Woo!

FYI - if anyone needs me in an urgent kind of way - send me a message.  I don't have the Facebook app installed on my phone.  It makes it slow and it's a big distraction.  So I only have Messenger on there.

Anyway, I'm off to do things.  I will sit down and respond to everyone later today... I'm almost sure of it.  I will have to take a break from homework so that my brain doesn't explode.  ❤❤❤

I was pretty much crashed out...

I was pretty much crashed out... until I scared myself awake.

I'd been on the couch for hours watching TV.  I watched a movie with Shaun and Shadow, and then when Shaun left me and the kid watched the new episode of Wayward Pines.  I don't usually do creepy shows, but I can deal with it.

After that went off I decided it was time for bed so I stood up and started walking towards my room.  As I was walking I felt something go down my leg.  Not wet - I didn't pee myself or suddenly start my period.  It was dry and warm and bulky.  😳

NEEDLESS TO SAY - I freaked the shit out.

I started kicking my leg to shake whatever it was out of my pant leg while screaming because clearly that helps in these situations.  😂😂😂  I dropped everything I was carrying because waving your arms around when there is something unknown in your pants also helps, just FYI.  Shadow backed up and the dogs were looking like "What the hell?!"  I was just about to take off my pants when it finally came out.

What was it, you ask?  Oh, it's good.  I feel like a total dumbass over this one.  😂😂😂  It was a tissue that I'd wadded up and stuck in my waistband because my sweats don't have pockets.  Seriously.  All THAT over a tissue that fell down my pant leg.  😂😂😂

On the bright side me and Shadow had a good laugh, which I think I desperately needed.  I laughed until I couldn't breathe and I'm still giggling about it when it crosses my mind.  Now I'm about to get in my bed and hope that I can simmer back down enough to fall asleep.  It's been an exhausting week so hopefully it won't take long.  Goodnight, Internet!  Or rather, good morning! 😛

❤

❤

Please, no one tag me.

Please, no one tag me in horrible things right now - especially if it is animal-related.  I am not ok right now.  I'm stressed, I'm tired, I'm in pain, and it's all I can do to not let myself slip into a very dark place.

I know that you all mean well, but even if it's for the sake of signing a petition I just can't look at bad / sad stuff.  I can't, and I'm sorry.  Feel free to tag me in all the happy shit you want to, though.  But no sob stories.  They make you too sad first and I can't deal.

Maybe I'll try to see FB again this weekend, but I have an ass-ton of homework to do - not to mention house repairs and the fact that I should do a show because I need money.  I miss all of my friend people.  

❤

I read my literature.

Ok.  I read my literature.  I don't think I'll be able to do any Algebra tonight.  My brain is tired.  My body is tired.  No good will come from forcing it.  Next class is Wednesday morning so I'll do it tomorrow sometime.

Booka is sleeping.  Has been for a while.  I know that today was hard on him, but I also know that he usually wakes up to scratch.  Maybe he's starting to feel a bit better already.  I hope so!

Got the housework done just in time to take the kids to the vet.

Got the housework done just in time to take the kids to the vet.  I'm about to take a shower, have some cereal, then jump into my homework until my brain shuts down.  😳

Nappy and Booka will be fine.  It wasn't major stuff that I took them for - just quality of life stuff.  It was time for Nappy to start her Kinetic injections for arthritis so she's all set for the next 3 weeks.  They really helped a lot before her hip surgery so I'm hoping they work again just as well.

Booka has never had great skin, but in the last week or so it just went all out horrible.  He'd gotten to where he would rub and scratch on everything until he would bleed.  Medicated shampoos and OTC meds were not helping at all.  So he got a skin scraping to rule out mites (he had none) and he also got a painful steroid injection.  He cried.  🙁  We'll just do the daily pills next time, but hopefully the shot will give him fast relief.  His feelings were really hurt about that, btw.  He wouldn't even ride shotgun on the way home.  Poor little dude.  🙁

I've been sitting here on the Internet hoping to really, finally wake up for the day, but...

I've been sitting here on the Internet hoping to really, finally wake up for the day, but no luck with that.  I haven't had coffee in days because I'm trying to be super good, but today might require a small cup to get me going.

I did not have a restful weekend in the slightest.  Saturday I spent all day in Heflin at the festival.  I did make a little bit of money so I guess it was worth it, but dang.  It lasted 7 hours and that's not counting the setting up, breaking down, and traveling over there.  That is also not taking into consideration that I was in the heat and sun, and the sun makes me super sick.  I was wearing 100 SPF sunblock and still managed to get a slight burn.  Still feeling a little off from that, but not terribly.

Yesterday I was running around doing errands and things like that.  I didn't really have time to do homework or housework.  I ended up staying up later than I needed to so I had to drag myself to class this morning.  I met my Algebra teacher today and I like her - so that's great.  But now I have homework.

Thankfully I'm off work today, but the house is a wreck so I can't think.  Gotta get that handled right now.  Nappy and Booka have a vet appointment later this afternoon.  I'm worried about Nappy's arthritis and Booka's breaking out in something that is making him scratch up bloody spots.  🙁  He's never had great skin, but this is much worse than I've ever seen it.

On the bright side I've been drinking an ass-ton of liquid and I'm barely really flu-achy now.  I'm still having joint pain and my skin is still terrible, but I'll be ok.  I am supposed to double up on my methotrexate so I will probably take that dose late this evening and try to sleep off the tiredness before class tomorrow.  I also have an appointment with Dr. Crawford (a rheumatologist!) next Monday at 1:00.  Dr. Edmond actually had an appointment set up for me this week, but I would have missed a whole 2-hour class if I did that so I rescheduled.

Anyway.  I haven't had much time for Internetting until today and I'm only here now because I'm procrastinating.  I am officially getting up from the computer and walking away.  If you see me liking and commenting on things shoo me away from the computer, please.  😛

If understanding what your pet is saying...

If understanding what your pet is saying does not come naturally to you then you should study the way they communicate.  It is irresponsible to be willfully ignorant of how a creature in your care feels.  And unfortunately, when accidents happen it is the pet who usually pays with its life.  It's not a small deal.  It's a big one.

This is a brilliantly done video.