When you scare your own child.

When you scare your own child. Look at those hackles! 😂😭

All I did was come downstairs for the first time today. I wasn't feeling well, so I didn't verbally greet everyone. I'm pretty sure Bear doesn't have good vision. He plays fetch like you play with a human baby:  Throw the ball too far or too fast, and it ceases to exist. Rolling the ball is best.

So yeah. I came downstairs and that was his reaction. "Hell naw, to the naw, naw, naw." 🤣🤣🤣 He peaced out so fast! It took some convincing to get him to come back in the house. He was UNSURE. 😂

I've read about this from more than one source...

I've read about this from more than one source and find it both distressing and helpful.

Simply resting more was really not bringing me back to a more functional state. When I say things like "I don't know how to exist/be a person anymore." this is exactly what I mean.

I have functioned one way for 43 years, and it no longer works for me. I literally don't know exactly what steps I have to take to get back to some version of "ok", but I know that whatever my future looks like, it will have to be different from the past. That is infinitely vague. 😅😭

Hermiting has helped a bit. As a recovering people-pleaser, being less socially available has reduced demands a lot, but as a social creature with "golden retriever energy" (per my son), it's also not sustainable. I have to learn to protect my energy while still maintaining friendships, and I don't know what that looks like. I'm starting with shorter hangouts and not taking any tasks, but will my people still feel loved? I don't know, and that's scary.

I am (hopefully) going to be working full-time again within the next few months. What does that look like? Will people want to work with me still if I don't/can't agree to everything? Small talk drains my life force with a quickness. I prefer written instructions vs. verbal. How do I navigate that?  Give me a prioritized list and I'm great. Is it ok to just say it? Is that asking for an accommodation and what if my manager doesn't like it?

There is so much I don't know. It feels like a lot to untangle. It is a lot to figure out. And I'm trying, but it's baby steps.

The struggle is real, but I love you and appreciate you for sticking with me through this mess. I hope that whatever relationship we have when I come out on the other side is intact in a way that still works for us both. 💙

I'm up a little late working on app stuff.

I'm up a little late working on app stuff.

I got me a little Adrian kitty to keep me company. 😊 

She's no longer crying to go to the bedroom, so that's nice.

But remember when I said she's been hissy with the other cats?

Phew!

This little lady said "They might have bullied me before, but the tables have turned! 😈"

She's been going after EVERYONE. Just stay outta her damn way. 😂 She's chasing the other cats, slapping dogs, slapping Kira (with claws!) for petting her wrong... She must be in perimenopause, too, because she ain't playing with NOBODY in this house. 😂😂😂

Trigger Warning: Body Stuff

Trigger Warning:  Body Stuff

I am a skin picker. I have always been a skin picker.

I had a small bump right inside my nostril that has been bothering me for about 10 days. I've been trying to squeeze it, and I finally got it today. It was right near my septum, so I had tears just streaming down my face, but I feel so relieved to not have the constant irritation of the bump being there anymore.

Another Victory:  I got spined by one of my cactus plants about a month - six weeks ago. It was right near my cuticle. I wasn't aware that part of the spine had broken off in my skin; the area had been irritated ever since, but looked otherwise healed. It's been itching, so I finally decided to do a little bit of digging and I saw something dark and got it out. I'm EXTREMELY relieved. It wasn't infected or anything, just a minor swollen area. Picture of the spine attached.

Speaking of Skin:  My psoriasis is clearing up thanks to Skyrizi. I've had 2 injections now; just the loading doses. But it's also a sensory relief to not have constantly itchy/flaky/burning skin. My psoriasis hasn't been severe or even moderate in quite a few years, but it was definitely still a pain and a bother and distraction. I'm feeling much better in my skin now, and haven't noticed any negative side effects so far.

Balloons over the mountains.

Balloons over the mountains. I don't know how close they'll get, but it's one of my favorite things about mornings here. 😊

I've still been slowly but surely working towards my goal...

Despite my burnout, I've still been slowly but surely working towards my goal of getting app.polishallthethings.com put on the app stores this month/beginning of July. It's officially in Beta on Android, and will hopefully be for Apple within the next few days. I ended up ordering a cheap iPhone from ebay because of all of Apple's restrictions. It was literally $72, and as a developer, I should probably just own one for testing purposes, if nothing else.

I'm really excited to see it live. If you'd told me at any point in my life before the end of last year that I'd be making an app I've been dreaming of for years, I wouldn't have believed you. I'd have never thought it was possible. I already have a little over 300 users on the website and people listing on the Marketplace, which blows my mind. Life is crazy sometimes.

The top of the profile page. Pretty standard.

Stats on the profile page. The number of polishes/plates/transfers, etc., with info about my most used.

A view of your collection. I like to see it by maker, but you can order it by collection, by date, by event, etc.

One of my favorite pages: Discover. Look for new brands, search polish/polish-related events (like releases), search by color, search for dupes of your favorites, search by color-swatching a photo. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! And the more people who digitally swatch their photos, the better it gets!

This old lady is sleeping too cute.

This old lady is sleeping too cute. She got brushed today and she needed it, bad.