Today was pretty chill.

Today was pretty chill.  Shaun and I did some light housework and watched Schitt's Creek.  (I tried watching it alone before and couldn't get into it, but we're both hooked now.)  We found out that Balthazar is likely at least partially deaf, which would explain some things.  Other than that I played games, put together puzzles on my tablet, stayed hydrated, and felt grateful for my life.  I really can't complain.  😊

I have felt more like myself...

I made an 87 on my Differential Equations exam!

Should I buy a cap and gown?

Today was pretty good.

Today was pretty good.  I woke up early and had my tea, and good conversation with Shaun.  I know I see him and talk to him all the time, but there is nothing like heart-to-heart talks full of reflection and questions and realizations and love.  It's hard to believe we've been together for 12 years.  For 9 years we worked at the same place.  For 8 years I was heavily involved in animal rescue / rehab.  For probably 7 of these years I've struggled with depression (not constantly, but about 7 years ago is when it started).  For 5 years I've been in college.  For two of our years together I struggled greatly with my physical health and psoriatic arthritis.  And there is so much that happened during all of that, too, for better or worse.

I don't know that I have a point with all of that.  I'm just feeling grateful for my best friend / partner in life.  I got an email from JSU recently about graduation regalia, and I think that spurred my thoughts as to how long I'd been working towards graduation and how large of a piece of our relationship school has been.  I know that a job will replace a chunk of my time very soon, but I think that not being tested constantly and actually reaping some of the rewards for my hard work will do me a lot of good - and by extension, Shaun and the kids, as well.  I'm pretty excited about that.

I've been trying to decide all day if I wanted to bother purchasing the cap and gown and all that since it's not likely there will be an actual graduation ceremony (or at least not one I'd feel safe to attend).  I'm also not having professional photos done, but I think it would be nice to have some pictures made with Dinorah at the school, and just have some of myself to mark the occasion.  I can't imagine that I will be nearly as excited without a ceremony; before the pandemic hit I told Shaun I wanted him to make the biggest deal out of graduation for me, but I don't see that being super easy to do as of right now.  That's ok.  I think all of us 2020 graduates probably feel a little cheated, but hey, real life is real life.

Anyway, I am heading to bed.  I have a Differential Equations exam in the morning.  I feel pretty good about it.  We'll see tomorrow if that's real or if it's just the antidepressants talking.  😝  Goodnight, friends!  ❤

Today felt like WORK.

Today felt like WORK.

I didn't sleep well due to lower back pain.  Shaun didn't sleep well, either.  Unfortunately, we had a lot to get done after he got off work this morning.

I called the vet because our cat, Tobi, started throwing up bile again last night.  A cortisone shot set him straight after a few days the last time this happened, so I wanted to get him in ASAP in hopes we could avoid days of sickness.  Balthazar also needed to see the vet because he's has a cold for several weeks now.  They are both medicated and home resting.  Balthi, btw, weighs in at mere 18 lbs.  He's just a little bundle of love!

I had my tele-health appointment.  As in - I called them several times after my appointment time had passed, paid over the phone, and then they asked me to come pee in a cup.  😂😂😂  Fun fact:  Labs show that I do NOT have a UTI, so I just have lower back pain and trouble feeling empty after I pee for some other reason that the doctor didn't seem interested in pursuing.  He did, however, notice that today was the 3-year anniversary of my last visit with them, so... while that was interesting, it wasn't helpful.

Kira also had an orthodontist appointment today.  They told her that the next wire she gets will be her last.  That is pretty exciting because she's been in braces for almost two years now.  I know she's ready to get them off and see how all these months of progress have turned out.

The other super fun thing we did today was order mealworms from PetSmart for curbside pickup - twice.  The first time Shaun ordered 100 and the order got canceled and it said that the 100 count was no longer in stock.  The second time he ordered 50 mealworms and even after several hours we hadn't received a notification to come and pick them up.  Since we were in the area after our appointments I decided to stop by PetSmart and call in.  When I asked the person who answered about the online order, she audibly huffed and said "Let me get the ipad."  Then she said that the order hadn't been picked yet.

That honestly wasn't a big deal to me - I could wait a bit, but I didn't want to drive home and then have to get back out.  When I told her I was in the area, she said that the guy who does it is busy and that I would have to wait for him to finish helping people with fish.  She was particularly rude, but I said it was ok and that I'd wait and we ended the call.  Not long after that, a guy came out and told me the order was canceled.  Since I needed bugs for Koopa he told me what they had in a small size and I ended up just going in to see them so I could get my little lizard some food.  On the bright side, Koopa seemed to really enjoy his wax worms when I got home.  We have plenty of those to hold him over until his ants arrive.

I don't even know what else to say about today besides that it was NOT fun.  We haven't spent this much time out or in public buildings since March.  It was really uncomfortable, and extremely tiring considering how vigilant we were.  And the number of people who wear masks incorrectly honestly astounded me.  If you weren't aware:  Your chin is not part of your respiratory system, but your nose is (which is what a mask is designed to cover).  I asked the nurse at the clinic if she felt safe.  She said yes.  The employee at PetSmart didn't seem as sure because people come in without masks and there is nothing they can do, but he said at least they have hand sanitizer everywhere.  I guess that is something, but honestly not enough.

Anyway, I'm exhausted.  I'm going to eat something quick and get to bed so I can wake up fresh enough to study some more for my exam on Thursday.  I feel pretty good about a good chunk of the material, but I want to be all the way ready.  We'll see if I manage to be as prepared as I feel that I am.  😆  So on that note, an early goodnight to you all.  I hope your day was ok.  ❤

Today has been a day.

Today has been a day.  I didn't sleep well because my lower back hurts.  I've been wondering off and on for a couple of weeks if I have a UTI, but secretly hoping that I did not because I didn't want to go to a doctor in person.  I think after today I can no longer deny it.  I called the CARES clinic and they will do a tele-health appointment with me in the morning.  I'm grateful to not have to go in, but a little sketchy of the idea of not having labs done.  I guess we'll see how that goes.  Until then I'm guzzling water and downing Tylenol for the pain.  Fun times.

In other super fun news:  I broke the power button on my phone about 6 weeks ago.  It's still attached and looks normal, but doesn't work at all.  I figured "Meh, no biggie unless I need to turn my phone off or on."  Well, it had been ok until today, when it VERY CLEARLY needed to be restarted.  I didn't know what to do, but Shaun found an accessibility menu that I could use rather than the power button.  Yay, right?  Well, it would have been yay had he hit the "Restart" option rather than the "Power Off" option.  🤦‍♂️

We spent hours figuring out how to turn my phone back on.  Thankfully, it is on and working fine and now I know what to do if it needs restarting again.  I was really hoping to not need to replace it before I get a job, so if it can hang in there just a few more months (which I think it can) I'll be happy.  We're prepaid and don't buy expensive phones and I've had this one a little over 2 years, so I feel that I've gotten my money's worth out of it.

Another little oddity of the day:  I tried to refill my Cymbalta a few days ago before I ran out and when I checked the status of the order today, my app said that there was a problem.  I called the pharmacy and was told that they were out but had ordered some.  Then they said they had some but couldn't find it.  Then they asked me if I'd be ok with a partial refill until the others came in.  Since no one told me of this issue ahead of time I agreed to the partial refill because I don't want to mess up my "taking my meds" schedule.  My sleep has finally gotten normal and I like that.  So I went to pick up my partial prescription and they gave me THREE. WHOLE. PILLS.  😂😂😂  Whatever.  At least I can take my medicine on time in the morning.

Anyway, I'm off to study while I feel somewhat ok.  I have an exam on Thursday and I only feel good on about half of the material.  Gotta get good on that other 50% so I can ace this class!  🤓

Friday was pretty good aside from Ruth Bader Ginsburg dying.

Friday was pretty good aside from Ruth Bader Ginsburg dying.  I felt good and had energy.  Shaun and I even went for a walk.  Afterwards, I was in my room watering plants when I heard the news that she passed away.  My heart sank immediately.  I felt sick.  I cried.

The stress and sorrow carried over into yesterday, waking me up early with a migraine brewing and no real hope of being a productive person.  I felt like trash all day.  I struggled to get my few daily chores done.  I did them, but that's it.  I abused my body by eating junk food.  I numbed my mind with goofy social media where I knew there would be no politics discussed.

Today, I am still holding tension in my body.  I did sleep plenty, but I had nightmares.  Unfortunately, even though I can wake up and mentally be glad those weren't real, my body holds the stress and that messes me up.  I'm about to take some Tylenol and do some stretches.  Then I'm going to tend to a few baby plants and do some math.  RBG wouldn't roll over and give up, so I won't, either.

In case anyone hasn't noticed (which, how can you not, with all of the articles going around and with friends and family falling into / deeper into depression) but a lot of Americans are super fragile right now, mental-health wise.  I think that if you're not feeling mentally unwell, you're either ignorant or choosing not to believe that things are bad for a lot of people.  Or if you do believe it you just don't care about people who aren't like you, which is even worse.  If any of that offends you, don't come for me.  Do some self-reflection instead.

I was super lucky, (and that IS what it is - LUCK) that I have friends who care for me enough to look out for my mental health, and who are also connected enough to help me.  Through an amazing friend I was set up with a fantastic doctor who is helping me keep my mental health on track at a fee I can afford, despite my non-insured status.  I am grateful.  If it wasn't for these two wonderful humans I have zero doubt that depression would have won and ruined my life.  I was not a functional person before switching medication; there is no way I'd be ok enough to pass my class this semester or be fit enough to be hired without medical intervention.

Personally, I don't feel that any citizen of a supposed first-world country should have to rely on luck to make it though life.  That is not fair.  There is no equity or equality in luck.  And DO NOT chime in with, "But you deserve..."  I loathe the word "deserve,"  at least in the way that most Americans use it.  I am a hard worker, but I know a lot of other hard workers, too, who are slipping through the cracks and I am no more deserving of help or care or compassion than they are.  Our government is broken.  Our people are suffering and dying.  We are living in the Divided States of Embarrassment.

I know that I have unanswered messages and un-replied to comments, but...

I know that I have unanswered messages and un-replied to comments, but I'm not feeling social media today.  It's got my anxiety up and that is the last thing I need considering that I woke up at 7 (on a freaking Saturday!) with a migraine brewing.  I haven't been able to get right all day.  I feel drowsy but can't nap (I've tried), my head is swimmy so studying is right out, and in general my body feels blah.  The most I've done today is binge watch the TwinisthenewTrend YouTube channel and binge eat chocolate chip cookies.  I don't know what I'm off to do, but I'm off.  Later, friends.

I dissent.

Copied so it doesn't disappear:

If she had lived 100 years it would have been too few.

In a world where women are expected to comply, she said "I dissent."

In a world where love has been kept in a box with rules, she said "I dissent."

In a world where borders are drawn tighter and walls are built higher, she said "I dissent."

In a world where fiction is told as truth and facts are twisted into lies, she said "I dissent."

And so, on a night when it feels like the pendulum has swung off its fulcrum, like there is no place to make a U-turn, like the darkness is winning, I will say - loudly so as to convince myself - I dissent.

For decades she stared unafraid into the faces of misogyny, homophobia, xenophobia, and bigotry, daring them to blink. She wrote reams and spoke volumes and did push-ups while her detractors... I don't know, ate cheeseburgers or whatever.

So because she did, I can. Because she did, I will.

Tonight feels like the end of something, but it doesn't have to be. This is a moment that, instead of being the death of hope, can be the birth of a renewed zeal. Giving up feels very easy, even warranted, but it also feels disrespectful to her memory. We can take this moment and turn it into a movement. We can, like the Notorious RBG, dissent. We can, like her, dissent until the very breath leaves our bodies.

Thank you, Honorable Justice Ginsburg. You fought harder and longer than you should have had to, for us, and we are so grateful. Rest well; you earned it.

Oyez, oyez, oyez.

Tonight, we cry. But tomorrow, we rise.

#NotoriousRBG #toomuch2020 #idissent

Linked because I'm not a thief:

By Lindsey Keirsey

Shedding tears for Ginsburg.

Shedding tears for Ginsburg. She was so badass and tried so hard. My heart is broken, and I'm scared for what her death means for America.

If you disagree, I'm sorry, but absolutely fuck off right now. I am not in the mood.

People with uteri can’t find doctors...

People with uteri can’t find doctors to perform sterilization because “they might marry a man who wants to have children” or “they may change their mind later.” I know this from experience.

Meanwhile, doctors are currently sterilizing brown women (who are being held captive) without informed consent.

Do ALL LIVES MATTER yet?

Are you still pro-life?

Yesterday and today have been actually good.

Yesterday and today have been actually good.  It's great to be able to say that!

I watered a bunch of plants yesterday.  I also did that today, along with moving some around and chopping some heads.  Now if I can water my itty bitty baby plants in the next day or so I'll be done and me and the plants will be happy for a bit.  Well, until I get a few more pots and some dirt that are due to arrive from Amazon soon.  Then I'll be repotting a few and probably moving them again.  😂

Another thing I did today was take the EPP (a test you have to take before you can graduate from JSU).  It was reminiscent of the SAT tests I took in high school.  It opened up to be taken yesterday and is open until mid-November, but I wanted to get it done.  Now the only things I have to do are 1)  Pass my class and 2)  Do the exit interview, and I'll be graduating in December.  Some days that feels really far away, but other days (like today) it seems super soon.  Time is weird.

Well, this chilly and rainy weather has me in the mood for soup, so I'm off to have a late dinner.  I hope you all are doing well.  ❤

We saw the kids today.

We saw the kids today.  Shadow has been drawing and he's gotten really good.  Kira came over wearing flip flops without socks for the first time in a while.  She's been wearing socks with them lately and saying "Look at my hoof" while showing me her foot.  Honestly, I dig the hooves. 😂😂😂  I love those two.  ❤️

I don't think I did too great on my quiz.

I don't think I did too great on my quiz. I felt ready, but clearly I was not.

Thankfully, I don't feel like the world is over because of this. I'll just try harder next time.

For now, I'm going to give my brain a break and my plants some water. Things will probably be ok.

I still do this.

I still do this. A single Calculus problem will take a whole page because if I don't write down my steps - just the way I learned them - I get lost. Ain't no shame in my game! I will do what I gotta do! 😂😂😂

Well, these were a foster failure. 😂😂😂

Well, these were a foster failure. 😂😂😂 We still have all of them except for the one in the top left. Little Bun passed away a few years back. So this is 3/10 of our cats.

Calypso, aka Club Soda (the white one) looks nothing like this anymore. She's dark all over now. And she's also the worst cat. 😂😂😂

Calculus is giving me LIFE today.

Non-public addendum to my previous post:

Non-public addendum to my previous post:

I have updates about Shaun's dad and the whole visiting situation.

I can't really remember what I said about Shaun's dad's health except that he has 10% heart function.  I think that is all I knew about the last time I posted (besides his leg pain).  What I have learned in the meantime is that he's been living with 10% heart function for some years.  I truly think that being in the hospital freaked him out into thinking he was dying.  Like, soon, I mean.

Shaun's dad (Father-in-Law, aka FIL) has been having leg pain for a couple of months now.  It sounds like sciatica to me from his description.  Obviously I am not a doctor, but I just wanted to give a point of reference for anyone who's reading.  It sounds like nerve pain that is coming from his lower back / hip and radiating all the way down his leg.  It's gotten pretty terrible and he's had an epidural which helped for a while, but not long and has since worn off.

Shaun noticed about a week and half ago when visiting his dad that he's got a large swelling above his hip on his left side.  My guesstimate is that it's 6 inches long by about 2 inches wide.  He says it hurts (it's opposite the leg with pain).

Anyway, he finally got the scan that he was supposed to have done to see what was going on with his leg.  They didn't find anything affecting his leg and mentioned nothing about the lump growing on him.  What they did see was a tennis-ball sized spot on his lung (oddly, not on the same side with the abdominal swelling).

FIL says he's tired and doesn't want to go to Birmingham to another specialist.  He found one in Anniston (not any of the ones that were recommended by my friends, unfortunately).  They said they are going to treat this as if it's cancer until the biopsy comes back and shows otherwise (we will hopefully know something this coming week).  If it is cancer, it's close to the abdominal wall and may possibly be Stage 4 already.

Shaun's been calling daily and visiting at least twice a week.  I go if I can, but if I have a good reason not to I don't.  We are not fans of visiting anyone during a pandemic, but Shaun wants to go and he is an adult who can make his own decisions.  The only thing I can do is ask him to be safe and support him.  I have accepted this.  We are doing everything else to keep our risk of catching Covid low.  Hopefully, it will be enough.

Shaun was going to visit his dad today, but when he called FIL said that he was in too much pain and not good company so not to come.  That is a first.  I feel extremely horrible that he's home alone and in pain like this.  To me, dying is one thing - it's going to happen to all of us - but unnecessary suffering is something I have a hard time dealing with.  He does have pain meds, but they are useless against the leg pain.  My heart is aching and I don't know what to do.

I'm supposed to be studying, but I feel like I won't be able to concentrate until I get some things out.

I'm supposed to be studying, but I feel like I won't be able to concentrate until I get some things out.

In general I am doing ok.  The Cymbalta seems to be helping.  My sleep is a little janky still, but I think that can still work itself out.  I'm more motivated and active than I have been in months, so overall any negative like waking up in the middle of the night is by far outweighed by the fact that I can do things, and that I want to.  Maybe now that I have a little bit of energy I need to make exercise a priority.  Maybe I need to burn some of it off.

As far as I can tell I'm doing ok in my math class.  It's been a long time (about 3 years now) since I've seen Calculus, which is what we use to solve Differential Equations, but I feel like it's coming back to me and I have been putting in the effort.  We have our first quiz on Tuesday, so I guess then I'll see exactly how ok (or not) I'm doing.  Calculus is so detailed and I love it so I'm actually really enjoying the class, but one little mistake can throw the whole thing off.  Needless to say, the anxiety is real.

Besides that I am feeling super disconnected from so many people.  Obviously, with us staying in for 6 months now that was bound to happen.  But it's really more than that.  It's more like an emotional disconnect and it is really getting to me.  I have a few friends who I know are busy, but I almost never hear from them unless it's a meme even when I've shared that I'm going through stuff.  A great many people have disappointed me with anti-mask / anti-BLM / pro-Trump / "I'm going out even though it's a pandemic" posts and to be honest that has made me reevaluate a lot of relationships.

I feel like so many people are just... stupid.  Or worse, ignorant.  And I feel resentful because the pandemic could have BEEN over, and if we bothered to care about justice and equality then we wouldn't be so divided.  I don't know.  But a lot of stuff is getting to me and is on my mind and I don't even know what to do with it because it's not like I can fix any of it myself.  It's extremely frustrating and that is pretty much all I can say about it.  I mean, it's not really, but it's all I'm going to post on a public forum.

Well, unfortunately for me this was not cathartic in the least, so uh, enjoy, or something.  If you're not feeling too ok I guess take solace in the fact that you are not alone.

I have felt like turds since I woke up.

Happy 3-Year Gotcha-versary to this amazing girl!

Happy 3-Year Gotcha-versary to this amazing girl! It's hard to believe it's already been 3 years since Kira joined our family. Time really does fly when life is good! ❤️❤️❤️

She had an eye exam today. Her eyes have improved so her glasses were too strong, causing her headaches. We ordered 3 pairs of glasses with her new prescription from Zenni today (for less than $50!), so she'll be able to see soon and have some backup glasses just in case. (Her bad kitty Leon broke her last pair.)

It was good to see her today. She's our goofy ray of sunshine and I wouldn't change a thing. We love you so much, Baby Kid! ❤️

I don't drink alcohol. The last part of this is exactly how I feel.

I don't drink alcohol. The last part of this is exactly how I feel.

This is nothing like my life experience.

This is nothing like my life experience.

Prejudice is real.

Privilege is real.

Copied so it doesn't disappear:

I grew up in Reno, Nevada. 

In third grade a boy confidently tells me and my brother that his mom said black people cannot swim because our muscles are different than those of white people. 

In middle school, standing among a group of white classmates talking video games, I am the only black child. One classmate expresses surprise that my family has enough money to afford a PlayStation. 

In high school, I am the only black kid among a group of friends. When sharing drinks in my presence they frequently tell each other not to “niggerlip” the bottles. Even though I object, they continue to use the phrase. 

In high school, my brother is at a teen house party that gets broken up by police, a common occurrence. The kids at the party scatter, also a common occurrence. My brother, the only black child in attendance, is the only one on whom a police officer draws a firearm to get him to stop running away. He is 14. 

In high school, a group of my white friends frequently sneak on to the outdoor basketball courts at an athletic club to play. They can usually play for hours, including with club members. On the two occasions I attend, club members complain and we are ejected from the club within minutes. 

In high school, I am excited about black history month and am talking to a friend about black inventors. My friend snorts and says, “Black people have never invented anything.” 

In high school, as graduation approaches, many of my white friends tell me that I am lucky. They tell me that due to my skin color, I will get into any college I want. 

I remain in Reno for college. 

During college an employer keeps food for employees in the break room refrigerator. One morning I decided to have microwaveable chicken wings for breakfast. The employer tells me I might not want to eat that for breakfast with my skin color. The employer immediately apologizes. 

In college I am standing in a group of white friends on campus. A white acquaintance of one of my friends approaches to chat. The acquaintance tells a story about something that frustrated him and then reels off a series of expletives ending with the word, “nigger.” None of my friends corrects him. 

In college I visit an antique shop in Auburn, California with my girlfriend, who is white, and her parents. The shopkeeper follows me around the store whistling loudly as I browse, until we leave. 

I move to San Diego, California for law school. 

In law school, during a discussion in my criminal law class, a white classmate suggests that police officers should take a suspect’s race into account when determining whether there is reasonable suspicion to believe that an individual is committing a crime. 

The weekend of my law school graduation my family comes to San Diego. I go to the mall with my brother and sister and visit the Burberry store. Two different employees follow us around the store – never speaking to us – until we leave. 

After law school, I return to Reno. 

A co-worker jokingly calls me “King David” upon seeing me each day. I joke that I’m not treated like a king. The co-worker then begins to call me “Slave David” each time we encounter one another. When I ask the co-worker to stop because it is hurtful, I am told by my co-worker that this is a problem that I have in my head. 

I attend a pub crawl with friends. We end up at a party in a hotel suite in downtown Reno. I am greeted by a white man at the door who loudly expresses surprise that I am an “educated negro” upon hearing me speak. 

I walk a friend who is a white woman from a restaurant to her car because it is night time. As we stand by the car chatting, a police officer pulls up and shines a light on us, asking if everything is okay. Once my friend confirms, the officer drives away. I tell her that he was worried about her, she teasingly says, “Oh yeah, because you’re so scary.” Later, I tell another white friend I felt racially profiled by the officer. My friend shrugs and says, “I don’t know man, that’s a stretch.” 

A white friend tells me that white voters have become upset at black people because of black people’s liberal use of food welfare benefits. When I point out that more whites than blacks receive welfare benefits in the U.S., my friend expresses confusion at how that could be the case. 

I leave a downtown restaurant with my wife. As we walk along the river a homeless man appears to be having a schizophrenic episode, engaging auditory hallucinations. Upon seeing me, he becomes lucid and begins to shout the word “nigger” over and over. 

I discover that one of my clients does not want me to represent him as his Public Defender because he does not want a black attorney. I am given the option to withdraw as counsel. I do not. 

Last year, I am at a barbecue chatting with a white acquaintance who asks if I have ever experienced racism. When I say it is a nearly daily occurrence, the acquaintance retorts, without missing a beat, “Bullshit.” 

Two months ago. I am driving to lunch with the black teen I mentor. At a red light a white woman crosses the street. As I begin to drive, she turns around and screams at us, “F**k you f****ing nigger!” 

Before any of these instances, my family of origin moved to Reno, Nevada from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania in 1984. 

My mother recently told me that when I was a very young child my parents hired a company to remove a tree from our front lawn. Two white men showed up and removed the tree. One of them carved a swastika into the stump. My father had to  confront him and ask him to remove it. 

Before that, my now 93 -year-old grandfather served in the Army National Guard and was stationed in the U.S. south. Despite being active duty, he was not allowed to eat in restaurants due to “whites only” signage. He had to wait for fellow Guardsmen to bring him food outside. 

Not long before that, my family were slaves, owned by Americans of English and Irish descent, which is why – despite being primarily of African descent – I have an English last name. 

This is my experience of being black in America. To be black in America is to be told over and over that you are not good enough, that you do not belong, that you are genetically unfit, that your physical presence is undesirable, and that everything about you – right down to your lips – is wrong. It is absolutely true that everyone experiences hardships in life, but the psychological weight of being told both explicitly and implicitly, on a daily basis, that your very existence is objectionable can at times feel unbearable. 

And despite this experience, I still love my country, my state, and my city. Despite my experience, I would not choose to be anything other than a black American. The history of black people in this country is one of struggle and triumph. Our people were brought to this country as slaves and against all odds, in the face of seemingly insurmountable obstacles, have made our mark. Through slavery, poll taxes, literacy tests, redlining, and black codes we have persevered. Through the unspeakable horrors of mass lynchings; the Tuskegee syphilis experiments; and the massacres at Tulsa and Rosewood, we have persevered. 

Bass Reeves, Dovey Johnson Roundtree, Sarah Boone, Oscar Micheaux, Shirley Chisholm, Dorie Miller, Susie King Taylor, Georgia Gilmore, Octavius Catto, Jack Johnson, Garrett Morgan, James W.C. Pennington. These are just a handful of extraordinary and oft forgotten black Americans who helped to mold and preserve the American Dream. These individuals and their accomplishments should not be regarded as “black history,” but rather as American history. 

I am an American of privilege, which makes me an African American of great privilege. I am an attorney. I live in a safe neighborhood. My children do not worry about their next meal. I can afford child care. My family can afford personal vehicles. If my children become sick, I can take them to the doctor. If I am this privileged, and these have been my experiences, primarily in my own hometown, often with friends and acquaintances who are fond of me, and of whom I remain fond even now; just imagine what daily life must be like for a black person in this country who does not enjoy my level of privilege. 

The protests in the streets of America are certainly about the killing of George Floyd, but not just about George Floyd. They are about countless black men, women, and children for whom the punishment did not fit the crime – if indeed there was a crime at all. We live in a country where, in order to recall what life under Jim Crow felt like, many white Americans must pick up a history book. Meanwhile, many black Americans need only pick up a telephone, and call their parents. 

When we as people of color share our experiences, we are not doing so to score political points, “play the race card,” get sympathy, assign blame, or to make you feel bad about yourself. We are asking you for help. We are asking you to join us in the ongoing fight against racism in our country, because we cannot do it alone. It will take Americans of every stripe to eradicate racism from American society. 

I am now asking for your help. Please seek truth and knowledge. When sharing information, please check your sources and make sure that they are reliable. Try to place what is happening today into a historical context. Read about systemic racism and anti-racism. When your friends of color tell you that racism is real and affecting their lives, believe them and then, if you can, do something about it. 

My children are likely to attend the same middle school and high school that I did. It is my great hope for them that those around them have the knowledge, compassion, and guidance to know better than to daily deluge them with words that make them doubt their intelligence, their beauty, and their worth as human beings based only on the color of their skin; and instead judge them by the content of their character. 

It is for all of the above reasons, and so many more that we proudly say #blacklivesmatter

Linked because I'm not a thief:
By David Gamble, Jr.

Go ahead and comment, white people...

Go ahead and comment, white people, if you're ok with being treated like black people are treated here. I'll wait.

Today has been pretty good.

Today has been pretty good.  I woke up and had my tea and petted my cat.  I got hugs and kisses and cuddles from Shaun.  That's all pretty usual, but I had feelings this time and they were good ones.  I just looked at Shaun and he was so beautiful to me that I complimented him enough times to make him uncomfortable.  Oops.  😂😂😂

I did my chores today, early enough that I will do some more math in a bit.  I have been thinking about other things I need / want to do.  I haven't done them yet, but I'm grateful that the thoughts are there and that there is a "want" in me to be productive.  I am grateful that I can think of stuff I need to do and not feel overwhelmed.

I feel like my depression is lifting.  I know a lot of people get sad, but I get numb and paralyzed and tired / sleepy.  The fact that I can feel my feelings and think about things without panicking is so amazing.  Yes, there are still a lot of stress-inducing things going on in life and the world in general, but today I can take a deep breath and tell myself that we're ok and we're going to keep being ok.  I don't really know how else to express how I feel other than that I am grateful.

I know that a lot of you are struggling with depression and anxiety.  Even before the pandemic I knew of several people who were struggling and according to the news, those numbers have increased dramatically.  I don't have anything more useful that I can say to you besides:  Seek help.  Find a way to see a therapist or a doctor if you need medication.  It is absolutely worth it to try.  I hope you all are doing well!  ❤

That's how you know it's in trouble. 😂😂😂

I love this!

Text copied; By Ruth Abbott:

“Do you know what you’re having?”... Look I get it, other than asking when I am due there isn’t much you can say to a pregnant person. Polite small talk is normal and we all know everyone loves a good party. However, can we all take a step back and agree that when you think about it, having big colour coded parties to celebrate an unborn baby’s genitals is just...well..a bit weird really! 

Guns or Glitter? Tiaras or Trucks? It’s all just nudge-nudge for does your child have a penis or vulva. Then we give these little people whole personalities based on this one thing instead of sitting back and seeing who they truly are. Even when they’re born they might not identify as the sex assigned in that moment! Boy, girl, non-binary or intersex, these little people are all beautiful and special and unique and should be celebrated as such. 

Smarter people than me have spoken out about gender reveal parties and if you had one and it brought you some joy (especially during lockdown) that’s fine but how about we start throwing book showers or nursery decorating parties or even just big, glorious, random celebrations of new life instead of theming a whole big bash for adults on a baby’s junk! 

So, without any more waffle about why I present my silly happy send up - the NON GENDER REVEAL PARTY! Enjoy weirdos and feel free to share.

Photos taken by the amazing and talented 

Claire Legg Photography

http://www.claireleggphotography.com/