I went to check on some plants...

I went to check on some plants because I knew I'd have a flower to see. I was surprised by 2 guests in the greenhouse. Can you spot them? It's a terrible photo.

I was gonna repot these plants in the last photo... But I might just wait.

I just asked Google...

I just asked Google when the Harry and the Hendersons movie came out.

It said "The year one thousand, nine hundred and eighty seven."

Why did it call that year by it's government name!? 😂😂😂

Officially, I'm on the Google Developer program.

Officially, I'm on the Google Developer program. Woohoo!

It took hours, even with a borrowed iPad, but I finally got an Apple account and am waiting to hear back if I'm approved as a developer. 😂

But yay for the progress!

Haha.

Haha.  Since I got my DUNS, I am trying to sign up for the Google and Apple developer accounts.

Google has a one-time $25 fee.

Apple has a yearly $100 fee.

I have exactly $124.04 in my business account.  😆

(This is not a complaint; I am stoked that anyone at all is subscribing to my app.)

Of course, I can loan myself $0.96, but like, damn.  SO CLOSE!

I got my DUNS number!

I got my DUNS number! Signing up on the app stores as a developer today! 😄

I am apparently more committed...

I am apparently more committed to my nightly milk routine than I am to staying out of a Wal-Mart.

I left after class to get milk. My plan was to stop at the neighborhood Walgreens. They were out of milk. Then I turned the wrong direction when leaving and went to the middle of nowhere. Then I turned around and knew where I was again. Tried a different Walgreens and a gas station before giving up and going to Wal-Mart.

I came out with milk and creamer, and 2 plants. No cookies. That's a win.

The journey took over an hour and a half because I am ridiculously directionally-challenged and I didn't want to use Maps because I knew I could figure it out.

Shaun would've hated that trip. 😂😂😂 He tries so hard to be efficient. I just enjoy the journey. Good music and cool night air - what was there to complain about?

I think this is going to be my final writing about AI.

I think this is going to be my final writing about AI.

I want you all to know that I understand that AI usage is not good for the environment.  I also want you all to understand that whether I use it or not, it's not going anywhere.  That cat is out of the bag and it's not going back in.  We're far past that.  What needs to happen now is finding ways to reduce harm and clean the environment.  This is not the first time that an "advancement" has made a mess of things, and I highly doubt that it will be the last.

Whether you agree with me or not is irrelevant.  I work in tech.  I worked hard to break into a career in tech.  I can tell you firmly that more and more jobs are requiring knowledge of how to train/work with/use AI.  Whether you PERSONALLY use AI or not, I can guarantee you that any number of services, stores, hospitals, doctors, phones, computers, apps, etc., use it on your behalf.  If you REALLY want to stop AI usage, target your complaints to the businesses and companies that are doing that.  Boycott them.  Put your money where you mouth is.  Their impact to the environment is much larger than an average user, I guarantee it.

There are many things that I am against; for example, factory farming.  Yet I cannot claim the label vegan or even vegetarian because I will sometimes eat meat.  Do I try to minimize my impact?  Yes.  But am I 100% never going to eat meat again?  Probably not.

This is also how I use AI.  I don't use it for fun.  I don't use it for entertainment.  I use it sparingly and in ways that directly help me.

I don't know if I'm just wiser in my old age, or lazier.  Maybe both.  But I can tell you that while you are free to not use AI, fighting against individuals and their usage is not what is going to make the biggest impact and it's likely not going to stop them.  It's an uphill battle, and I learned the hard way in Alabama with animal welfare/animal rights that it's possible to make an impact, but you won't win the war.  You will burn yourself out trying to change things in a system that doesn't want to change.

I don't mean to sound hopeless, because I'm not.  I'm just saying that I am choosing myself these days.  I'm choosing my health and my sanity.  I'm 43 years old and I've always put everything and everyone else first, and I'm done.  So I'm not against using AI.  I'm in the acceptance phase.  I'm pro "let's optimize it and clean this shit up."

Not that it makes a difference to anyone who is already opposing me on this, but we have solar panels on our home.  I drive an electric car.  We don't cook or clean with electric appliances between the hours of 5-8 to prevent brownouts and stress on the power grid.  I've been recycling since I was a kid.  I also try to reduce and reuse things, and most of my wardrobe is thrifted at this point because fuck fast fashion and the mess it creates.  I've BEEN doing my part to help the environment and that is not going to change because I DO care.  But I'm not going to sacrifice any well-being I get OR my career to stop the small drop in the ocean that my AI usage equates.  It's not worth it, and I think if you were directly benefitting by it in any meaningful way, you would feel the same.

If that infuriates you, then I hope you will stop and examine every system in your life to make sure you're not getting any benefit from the use of AI, whether it's directly or indirectly.  If you look hard enough, you'll find it in something you use or a store you shop in or built into (or helped build) an app or website you rely on.  It's everywhere.  It does have uses.  It can be helpful.  Yes, just like any other tool, people can use it to make themselves or the lives of others worse.  Does that sound familiar to you?  It does to me.

Anyway, you are free to voice your opinions on my posts.  I won't stop you.  But I will just reiterate the stance that I'm writing here.  I don't have the time, energy, or mental bandwidth to do more.  This is where I stand on this particular issue.  If my opinion changes for any reason, I'll let y'all know.

Be best!

Ugh, she's so CUTE. 😍😍😍

Ugh, she's so CUTE. 😍😍😍

She's also trouble. 😂

Last night I'd opened the freezer (it's a drawer on the bottom of the fridge) and couldn't shut it. I kept opening it and rearranging the items and it just wouldn't close. About the 4th time I opened it to see what the problem was, this girl casually walks out from behind the drawer. 🤦🏻

She's the worst cat. Who sneaks into THE FREEZER!?

Some pics from this month.

Some pics from this month. I keep meaning to post and forget to.

Last picture is quality control.

The supervisor.

The inspector.

👀

😂😂😂

Mmmm. The textures.

The colors!

My hands were a mess from repotting, but look at this poor thirsty thing! It has since got a new pot and soil and now lives in the house temporarily.

The gnarly ones are really growing on me.

Is this the plant version of a C-section? That's not where the babies usually come from. 😂

Spring is springing!

Helper helping. Can't do anything without this one participating. 😂❤️

As I've mentioned before...

As I've mentioned before, I've been using AI to navigate back from Autistic Burnout while I wait to get into therapy (I did hear back from my therapist and she said she doesn't do the therapy I need, but will get me a list of providers that do).

With the help of AI, I've been learning to budget my energy and have stayed level for the last couple of weeks.  There has been a lot of guilt-free resting and a lot of naps.  When I have a good or bad day, I tell AI what happened and it points out stressors that I didn't even realize I had, or ways that I did (or can in the future) make accommodations for myself.

I had planned to go to a tech meetup tonight.  I love going and networking with other nerds [endearing] and being social with people, but after I stayed up so late doing plant stuff last night/this morning, I decided not to go.

So what had happened was...

A few days ago I brought down my upstairs plants for repotting.  They were in the way down here and we kept shuffling them around.  Shaun asked me if I could take them back up, so after I taught class on Thursday, I went on a repotting spree because I REALLY didn't want to take them back up without fresh dirt.  That's how I ended up staying up until 4 this morning working on plants.

I did more than I had to and stayed up even after I was tired which is not ideal, but I was in THE ZONE and just went for it.

So this morning I woke up at 10, didn't feel super great, did my morning routine, and ended up going back to sleep until 2.  I felt better after that.  But I didn't feel like going out and being social.  My hands and nails are wrecked from the repotting.  I didn't want to do the things I'd need to do to feel comfortable going out, like showering.

So... I spent the rest of the day in the greenhouse with my plants, and it was quite nice.  I watered more than half, picked off dried leaves, and cleaned a little.  I'm disgusting now and will be showering and going to bed soon, but it was a day well-spent.  I hope to finish what I started in the greenhouse tomorrow after my UI/UX class.

While going to the tech social would have been fun, it also would have been a drain on my energy - the getting ready to go, the driving, the masking around people, the discomfort of my clothes, the noise.  All of that on top of me not being at 100% already today from going to bed so late.  And I do have to attend class in the morning.  I do have plans on Sunday.  So I needed to cut one thing out to replenish my energy budget, and this time it was the tech social.

It's so weird because I never ever once thought of my energy in these terms, or events/outings in terms of what they "cost" me, energy-wise.  I don't know if most people do think this way, or if most people feel these things intuitively, but I definitely did not.  Before, if you needed help, I was coming.  If you wanted to hang out, I was there.  Help you move?  💪  Where to?

Now, I'm checking in with myself, looking at my week, and making an informed decision.

This is all so very different than how I've operated for the last 23-ish years of my life, but I feel like I'm finally taking care of myself.  And it feels nice!

Doing plant bondage in the middle of the night...

Doing plant bondage in the middle of the night, because why not?

Learned the hard way, but now I know.

Learned the hard way, but now I know.

Today has been very chill.

Today has been very chill.

I woke up around 9 because Scar was driving me crazy, so I fed him and went back to bed.  I woke up and got up around 2.

I skipped my thyroid meds this morning.  I had messaged my doctor, but not heard back yet.  Likely related, I haven't had any hot flashes or bouts of sweating.  My head also feels less... pressurized?  I don't know.  But I'm thinking that I might not need that medication anymore, or that I may need a lower dose.  I'm going to see how I feel; plus I have a checkup in 2 weeks, so we'll see.

I watched some YouTube videos with Shaun today.  We watched a few things and I didn't even scroll my phone for dopamine hits (nor did I feel the need to), so that is really nice.  I can't remember the last time I was just able to do. one. thing. and it keep my attention.

After I did my office hours, we put on a show and I went through and put 2 more sets of my swatch sticks and locations into my database.  I have considered doing one last ring of sticks to finish an entire helmer.  It's out and sitting by me, so I might.

I didn't touch my app at all today.  That's kind of a big deal because building the PWA is what led to this giant crash that I've been trying to recover from, so it's nice that I'm not going crazy on it.  I do have some homework to do, class tomorrow, and also the class I'm teaching to prepare for.  Maybe I'll get on top of my homework tomorrow.  I dabbled in it a little bit today, but not much.

Anyway, the day is winding down and I'm getting tired, so I'm heading to bed soon.  If I wake up early enough tomorrow, I might repot my indoor plants.  We'll see.  But I definitely needed this chilling out in a big way.  It's weird to see that I can be productive without being stressed and that I can also be productive without pushing myself to the max.  This actually feels sustainable, as long as I protect and budget my energy.

I've done some things today.

I've done some things today.

I went and paid for/picked up my business license, so I'm officially and legally in business now!

I started the application process to be a developer on ios and Android. Turns out, you need a DUNS number to do either of those things, so...

I applied for a DUNS number

And started on developing Polish ALL The Things! Into an APP app, and not just a progressive web application.

I have so many robust features that it's going to take some time to have it the way I want it, but I'm off to a good start! And I don't have to have every feature ready on mobile just to have it in the stores. It can be a work in progress.

I'm off to eat and have a break so that I'm ready for UI/UX class in a bit!

Today we did some errands.

Today we did some errands.

Lately when we go out, I try to wear my nicer clothes now that I have some that fit. But today, I wasn't up for getting changed, so I left the house in my leggings, t-shirt, braless, sloppy jacket, and sandals. Usually, I'd be like "Ugh, I'm such a slob" and feel bad about it...

But today, I thought of it this way:  "I have several things to do and I'm removing barriers to my tasks by taking away the obstacle of changing clothes. This is an accommodation and it's helping me get things done. It's ok."

And just like that, I didn't beat myself up for not looking "presentable" in public spaces. There was therefore no shame spiral, no extra stress. Just me doing the best I can (as usual), but it finally being "enough."

We took the boys out for errands...

We took the boys out for errands, which y'all KNOW is Bear's favorite thing. 😂

Shaun thought his parking break was off, but it wasn't when he tried to drive and the car lurched.

Bear been holding on for dear life since! 😂😂😂

And that face! The distrust! The "WTF was that, Papa!?" 😂

Edit:  He was compensated with a pup cup for his troubles.

I woke up today a little before 9...

I woke up today a little before 9, which happens sometimes. But I usually still feel drowsy and end up falling asleep again until noon or 1.

However, I woke up and had this cartoon-ass thought:

"The day is full of possibilities!"

And I got up.

Is this what "rested" feels like?

Because I'm digging it. 😂😂😂

Listen...

Listen. I know this is going to possibly sound kooky... But I have been treated for hypothyroidism for a few years now, and it has me feeling A LOT better.

But since being diagnosed with Autism and starting to relax for what feels like the first time in my life... I'm starting to feel over-treated. Like, I'm hot and sweaty a lot of the time, and that has been opposite of my (almost) whole life experience save for the last few years when I started treatment and stopped feeling cold all the time.

I know that stress/cortisol is linked to thyroid function... But in such a big way that I might need a lower dose of medication?

I think it's time to get some labs done. 🤔

I'm heading to bed.

I'm heading to bed. It's been another actually good day, stress/burnout-wise.

Me and Shaun had a late anniversary lunch. Since Shadow has to be asleep tomorrow because his work schedule is changing temporarily, he asked if we could have his birthday dinner tonight, which we did. We picked it up to-go and ate at home.

Me and Shaun put on a comedy thing that the kids recommended. I messed around on the computer while listening to it and updated the swatch status and location for 3 out of 72 drawers of nail polish. It's one of the things I'd put on my list of things to do that I couldn't get myself to do... even though I wanted to do it. But I did some and it was easy and fun. And I was using the app I created, so that was also nice.

I felt the urge to not stop until I was done or until I crashed completely out - whichever came first, but I have something to do in the morning and I want to be rested for it. So since I'm getting sleepy I'm being good and going to bed. The task will be there tomorrow or whenever I feel like picking it up again. I think that breaking this cycle of hyperfocus and straining/stressing myself over nothing will be key to preventing burnout again.

Look at me. I'm cosplaying a very stable adult. Are y'all proud of me? 😂😂😂

Goodnight. ❤️

Today we're married 8 years...

Today we're married 8 years. Together for 18. I don't know what I would do without Shaun. He's held me together in so many different ways over the years. Through mental and physical breakdowns, migraines, throwing up so hard I pee myself - and now peri. The good, the bad, and the ugly - he's solid through it all.

And as usual, he's got the most creative gifts ever. 🥰

My favorite has to be this Teddy Bear Cholla he made using my stash of whiskers (with my permission!). They aren't glued in or anything, but they're definitely not falling out. We're going to paint the pot; he didn't realize it matched the cactus body so well. But I love this so much. Also, he didn't even use all of my whiskers. 😂😂😂  We might have to start another cactus for the shorter ones. I'm thinking an Opuntia for the next one...

I'm also digging this little monster dude with the succulents on his head. It's a stash jar, so that's neat. And since it's our Bronze anniversary, he got me a little beetle guy to sit on my shelf. He manages to bring the things I love into every gift while somehow keeping it traditional.

Here's to all of the years behind us, and hopefully many more to come! To my bestie for the restie:  I love you! ❤️