Writing it now.

Several of my tasks today are on the computer, so I've had a thought and I wanted to write it now so I don't have to add it to the list.

The doctor who diagnosed me with ADHD said that my medication could cause a lack of appetite/appetite suppressant effect, so I stopped taking Semaglutide when I started my ADHD meds.

The food noise has not returned.

The ADHD meds have quieted my brain, including the food noise, so overeating/emotional eating/stim eating, etc., is not currently a problem for me.

All of my experiences over the last few weeks after being medicated have made me wonder if there are better questions doctors could ask to help people who don't have the language for what they are struggling with to articulate their struggles.

For example, no one has ever asked me "When trying to manage your weight, does the typical advice of eating healthy foods, counting calories, etc., work for you?"  That would have been an absolute "No."  When your brain is only capable of doing the most important/most interesting task at the moment, counting calories feels impossible.  Food noise is there, regardless of the reason.  Impulse control is low because we're maxed out just trying to do the most basic shit.  Of course that doesn't work.

Or maybe this one:

"When trying to change your schedule and using the advice of good sleep hygiene, consistent bed times, no screens, no caffeine after certain times, etc., do you still struggle?"  Because that would have been a resounding yes.  Trying to fix my schedule didn't work because my brain didn't shut off and I had no control over that.  It wasn't actually that I am terrible and lazy and inconsistent; it was simply that that advice wasn't going to work for me because there was an underlying, untreated problem (ADHD).

Basically, what I'm saying is, "If you've tried advice that works for neurotypicals, how does that work out for you?  Is it helpful?  Are you able to make meaningful changes or lasting improvements?"

That would have been a huge eye-opener for me.  I 100% do not believe that people are just shitty, lazy, or unmotivated, though I often felt that way before (about myself) and I've definitely heard those terms used to describe people with ADHD.  I don't think people choose to exist that way; they just literally don't realize that there could be a medical issue and that no matter how hard they try, TRYING doesn't change it; just like TRYING not to have a thyroid problem doesn't change the fact that you do.  You need medical intervention.

Kira got her ADHD diagnosis on paper on Friday (we were already pretty sure, but she wanted confirmation).  She didn't want medicine without that, and I think it's fair and logical to want proof of an issue before medicating for it.

I went upstairs earlier and she apologized for it being messy.  And all I could even say to her was "I know you're doing your best.  I don't think you're a bad person or lazy.  You just need some treatment so you can function better."

Because I have literally, at least since my early 20s, pretty consistently beat myself up for struggling - because I didn't know that I was.  And I could tell by her apology that she is doing the same.  There was no fucking way I was going to pile on.  I told her the mess could wait, and that all I really wanted was for her to make her health and well-being the priority, and to be open to medication (because it changed my life, and I don't want to see her struggle needlessly).

My diagnosis and medication have changed my life for the better - literally.  I feel brand new at 43 years old.  I don't want my kids to struggle for 20 more years.  And now that I know what I'm looking at when I see a mess or a light left on or them awake at random hours, I'm going to parent them differently, as well.  I'm going to encourage treatment, but I'm going to be as patient as I can until we get there.  Because they're not shitty or lazy or unmotivated (not that I ever thought they were; I just didn't understand why "simple" things seemed so hard).  They are struggling and actually doing their best, and I can't ask for more than that. 

It's been an eventful week.

It's been an eventful week.

To go from resting and doing housework and teaching part-time and working on my app when I feel like it, to having expectations of being a place, looking decent, and doing things 5-days a week, plus still teaching is a big change.  I've been EXHAUSTED.

On top of that, I got myself stranded on Wednesday.  My little EV ran out of energy.  I don't know if I was just goofy and didn't shut the door all the way or it didn't charge fully then night before or what, but by lunch time I thought I was probably in trouble.  I did make it to a charging station, but one that didn't work with my car.  I had to get towed.  But, I made a friend!  The super nice guy who towed me home let me ride home in the truck with him.  He was really chill and we just chatted the whole way.  It was nice.  Probably one of the best "I'm stranded" experiences I've ever had, and that's saying something because I've had A LOT.  🫠

Last night, the kids packed the freezer too full and it couldn't circulate air, so a bunch of the food melted and had to be tossed.  It was an accident and I don't think they'll do it again.  The freezer needed a good cleaning out, anyway, but it sucks that they lost some food they had just bought.

Also, our modem or something died last night, so I have a hotspot on so I can be on my laptop momentarily.  I don't really know what's going on, but I'm too tired to care.  😅  I am REALLY grateful for the long weekend because I need it.  Gotta catch up on my rest to be ready for another week.  Plus, I need to try out the ADHD meds and see if they help me or make me weird or what.

Goodnight, y'all.  I am D.O.N.E.

Last night was a bit rough.

Last night was a bit rough.

Scar had diarrhea just about every hour last night, so I was up cleaning after him every hour.  At one point, (TMI), I did, too.  I'd eaten something spicy earlier and I guess it needed a speedy exit.  But at least we had diarrhea together.  He would go and then I'd be like "Me, too, buddy.  At least yours isn't spicy."  😆

Everyone loved on him today.  He ate so many treats.  He sat in my lap like the most important cat (alone, without having to fight for his seat).  I've probably mentioned this before, but I'm gonna tell it again:  He was so possessive of me that  if another cat sat in my lap, he would ALWAYS get closer to my body and squeeze in between us until he'd wedged the other cat further away, or they would just get aggravated with his attempt to squeeze in and leave.  😆  He was such a character.

Today, Shadow went with us to see Scar off.  It is the first euthanasia he's ever attended.  I don't know why he chose this one.  He loved Scar, but he also loved all of the previous pets we've lost, too.  Maybe he's just matured to where it didn't seem scary anymore.  He took it well and said it was the best death he's been aware of.  We've spent the last 20 years surrounded by animals, so he's seen the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I'm glad that it wasn't traumatizing for him.  He petted Scar and rubbed my shoulder and has his own tears, too.  Then we picked up some lunch and ate together at home.

Speaking of Shadow, last night I was super hungry after I laid down so I got up and came back downstairs to find something to eat.  Shadow heard me come down and followed to see if everything was ok.

I feel like I'm more of a scavenger than anything, so I was about to heat up a baked sweet potato that Shaun had baked for me a few days prior.  Shadow was like "Are you really trying to eat that potato that has been sitting there for two days?"  And I was like, "Yeah.  It's not even open.  It should be fine."  And he was like "Please don't.  I don't need you sick tomorrow."  And I was like "True."  So I tossed it and microwaved a new one; which he was sure to tell me to poke holes in so that it doesn't explode.

Shadow and Kira are all about food safety, and me and Shaun are much less so.  But I got parented by my own son about it last night.  He was like "Get your shit together, Mom!"  (Jokingly, of course.)  It was pretty funny.  These kids are the best.  ❤

I'm late to the party, as usual.

I'm late to the party, as usual. Me and Shaun just finished watching the Twilight series today. I'd seen a couple of the movies before, and he hadn't seen any, so that's what we've done the last 3 days.

I'm not trying to post spoilers, but I like how it ended.

When Kira comes down we're probably gonna do girl talk about it. 😂

Kira came down here...

Kira came down here and was looking at Anansi, then asked if tarantulas can get cataracts.  She said "It's Science Time!" as we went down a rabbit hole about who all can get cataracts.  😂💙

I love talking with her. I never know what adventure her brain is gonna take us on. 😊

Happy ¼ of a Century to Kira today!

Happy ¼ of a Century to Kira today! We're kind of on opposite schedules right now, so me and Shaun stayed up late to have birthday dinner with her. We hung out, talked, and watched music videos while we waited for the food to arrive. I always love hanging out with this girl. She's so funny and sweet!

Shadow got her some cute cupcake earrings, and we got her a Concha pillow. We're going shopping this weekend, so that should be a lot of fun!

Happy Birthday, Kira! It's been amazing watching you grow into such a beautiful young woman. We're so proud of you! 💙

Kira made these pecan bars.

Kira made these pecan bars. She made everything from scratch. They're similar to pecan pie, but I actually like them more. It's more crust, less goopy filling, and a slight bit less sweet. So good!

I hope she keeps trying new things. I love being her Guinea Pig. ❤️

Last night, me and Shaun had a date at Namaste.

Last night, me and Shaun had a date at Namaste. I tried a few new foods:  Lentil Crackers, Vegetable Samosa, and some kind of Yogurt/Mango drink. I also had Chicken Vindaloo spiced to the max. It was all so delicious.

I woke up this morning with my stomach rumbling. I don't normally have issues with spice, so I'm thinking I went too hard on new foods last night. But 10/10, I'd eat them all again. 😂

Today, I spent some time watering my plants. I snuggled Cub for a nap. I had tasty food today with Shaun, Shadow, Kira, my friend Caitlin, and her husband Joe. It was nice to have everyone together.

Shaun got a lamp for me to do my nails. I'm usually on the dark side of the room, so it's nice to have a light. I just finished filling in/rebalancing my structure gel while using it, and it's really nice to be able to see. He also got me some plant hangers for the greenhouse. The kids got me tasty snacks.

It was a really nice day. I've been getting messages all day, but I haven't had a chance to respond yet. I'm about to chill and check my notifications.

I hope you all have had a lovely weekend. I know I sure did. ❤️

Kira made these Cookie Butter cupcakes...

Kira made these Cookie Butter cupcakes with Biscoff cookies and they are SO GOOD. They don't even need icing be tasty, but of course I like them with a little sweet on top.

I think this is my favorite dessert from her so far!

Kira made these pumpkin chocolate chip muffins...

Kira made these pumpkin chocolate chip muffins and they are really good! She's got fall dessert plans. I'm excited to see what all she makes. ❤️

Look at this gorgeous photo of my Gramson, Leon.

Look at this gorgeous photo of my Gramson, Leon. Shadow took it.

He looks like a model.

I don't think last night was what any of us were expecting. 😂

I don't think last night was what any of us were expecting. 😂

When we were eating dinner, the wind kicked up pretty hard (not unusual for here), but it also started raining hard.

I ran outside and started moving my plants into the greenhouse because I really hate for them to be watered from the top. If water remains on them, it can cause rot and the leaves can also get burn spots if the water is still there when the sun comes back out.

The roof and walls of the greenhouse are up, but the floor isn't done, my shelves aren't in, and in general, moving plants quickly in the dark and the rain is not ideal. Not to mention that I really, really wanted to clean the dust, bird poop, and any possible pests off of them before putting them in there, but at this point I'm just glad I had somewhere dry to put them.

Shaun came out to help me and about the same time we were done moving them, the rain had passed. Of course. 😒 What I didn't know was that there was more on the way. By the time I went to bed, it was raining again. It rained for a long time. I fell asleep listening to it.

I woke up this morning to two funny messages from Shadow. One:  We have a little roof leak in the stairwell. He put a cup underneath to catch it. (This one's only funny because it won't rot my house like it would've in Alabama. It'll dry fast here. We'll get it checked out/repaired and it'll be fine.)

The second message, well, see the image. 😂

This is funny because we ordered a microwave from Best Buy several weeks ago, but it never came, so Shaun called customer service and they sent out another one. We got the second one according to the tracking numbers. But just the other day, the one we ordered first showed up after being lost in the mail for weeks. We assumed it had been stolen. But anyway, it's been sitting in the living room, new in the box, because we didn't know what to do with it. I guess that sorted itself out. 😂

I haven't been awake for long. It's cool and cloudy, so very tempting to stay in bed with my weighted blanket and the cats. But I guess I need to get up, see if we can finish the greenhouse, and check on my plants.

Happy Saturday, y'all. ❤️

Gramson is home from surgery.

Gramson is home from surgery. He's so drunk. He can't fit in his tower because of the cone, so this is what he's doing instead. 😂😂😂

I've had a really low-energy weekend.

I've had a really low-energy weekend.  It might be my own fault.

I lost my box of Estradiol last weekend.  I was supposed to change my patch on Thursday, but couldn't.  I thought I had a new box of my higher-dose patches around, but couldn't find those, either.  That isn't like me.  I contacted the pharmacy and they said they could refill it again, but they won't have the patches until Monday.

Shaun went looking and found my new patches... on his shelf of the pantry, still in the bag from the pharmacy.  He must have mistaken it for one of his prescriptions and put it up there.  I can't even see that high, so I never look on his shelf.  😂  I would have never found those by myself.  Anyway, I put one on last night and got sick to my stomach.  Then I slept until 3 pm today.  Fun times.

I worked a little bit this weekend.  I'm on 3 projects currently and it just takes some of the stress off during the week if I can spend a few hours focusing on only one thing.  I would prefer to keep work during work hours, but I'm grateful for the flexibility.

Other than that, the only thing I did was nails.  Shaun took off his old gel and I gave him a fresh coat.  I also re-did my gel overlay, but haven't thrown down anything pretty.  I don't know if I can/will.  I have a growing list of things to do that I am falling behind on and I don't like it.

I didn't do my cleaning like I normally do on the weekends.  I need to mail some packages, but ran out of packing tape, so I'm picking that up before work in the morning.  I need to water my plants and build the greenhouse and change my sheets and probably 100 other things, but I'm done for the day.  I have a 7:30 am meeting, so I'm heading to bed.

Also, Kira's son, Leon, is having his bladder stones removed tomorrow.  Shaun will be dropping him off at the vet first thing.  Send him all the good vibes.  He's a sweet kitty and we want everything to go well.

Goodnight, friends.  ❤

Houdini is exploring his new house! ❤️❤️❤️

Houdini is exploring his new house! ❤️❤️❤️

We got his heat tape today, so could finally complete the setup and move him in. He's been alternating between exploring his new setup and chilling in his warm hide.

I'm happy to see him moving around. I hope he'll eventually make use of the higher basket and hanging ball. So far, he's only gone into the bottom 2, but he's got all the time he needs to find the comfy, cozy spaces.

In other animal news... The neverending vet bills continue. Shaun and I woke up to a message from Kira saying that Leon (our Gramson) had blood in his pee. Our wonderful vet office worked him in, and he has bladder stones, too. Antibiotics for now, surgery the 23rd. Kira's medicating and keeping a close eye on him. At least she's excited to see him in a cone. 😂

Look, I am not a loser, ok?

Look, I am not a loser, ok? I'm not just out here losing stuff. Even as a kid I don't recall it happening much. I was brought up to appreciate what I had. If I lost something, it was not getting replaced.

So anyway, we were out last year and Kira wanted this bracelet. It was sometime before Christmas, so I told her we'd get it and it could be part of her holiday gifts. It came from a local Hispanic grocer. The person at the checkout handed it back to me after we paid, so when I got back to the car I dropped it in a Walgreens bag that was going in the house.

We got home and I was aware that we needed to put the bracelet up somewhere safe. I told Shaun that it was still in the bag and to hide it (because he is the gift-hider). Then, I assumed that he did.

Y'all, he DIDN'T. 😂

So anyway, Christmas came and went and we couldn't find this bracelet. Kira was like "Find it for my birthday, then." Fair enough, but if we couldn't find it for Christmas then we really had no idea where to look, though we tried. So her birthday (in March) came and went and STILL no bracelet. We eventually just took her back to the market and replaced it since that was definitely on us.

So today - this morning - I found it. Completely by accident.

Guess where it was.

You can't. 😂

It was still in the Walgreens bag, which was now under my bathroom sink.

The bag was under my sink upstairs because it was going to be used as a trash bag. I grabbed a handful of them recently from our bag drawer in the kitchen and I guess it was in that bunch. So last year someone crammed that "empty" bag in the bag drawer without checking and lost Kira's bracelet. I don't have any idea who did that. But we finally found it.

Happy June 24th, Kira. 😂

Look at my handsome Gramson, Leon.

Look at my handsome Gramson, Leon. This is Kira's baby. He came downstairs to visit. ❤️

Kira made homemade whipped cream and homemade cream cheese dip...

Kira made homemade whipped cream and homemade cream cheese dip and this shit is 💯. Just slice some strawberries and put it all on a graham cracker and it hits the spot without being heavy.

I don't know why she's so into making her own whipped cream and spreads, but I am NOT complaining. ❤️

The cake Kira made...

Today is Kira's birthday. She's a whole 24 years old.

Today is Kira's birthday. She's a whole 24 years old.

She wanted a Strawberry Shortcake for her birthday, but I think there was some confusion on whether she was celebrating today or this weekend.

Long story short:  She has all of this cake now. 😂

Unbeknownst to us, she made the 2 smaller cakes for herself last night so she would have a cake today. Me and Shaun went shopping this morning and found a slice of Strawberry Shortcake, but not a whole cake. We also found the other strawberry cake which looks really good, so we snagged it, too. And cakes pops, just because. 😂

So... Looks like we'll be eating cake for the rest of the week. 😂

She wanted dinner at Cracker Barrel so we did that and it was good. She also wants to go thrift shopping this weekend, so that's our plan. I hope she's had a good day! ❤️